Wednesday, March 25, 2009 . 9:57 AM

This couple of days, I've been on a bloody roller coaster ride in the mornings. I've gone three years without bumping into him in town and then, wham!

Twice in a week, I bump into him on the same bus. What are the odds of that happening?

Some explanation is necessary, though words are really inadequate expressions at the moment. Basically, the man who so callously broke my heart three years ago has surfaced from whichever rock he has hidden himself under.

Yes, I know he's married and oh-so-in-love with his wife. It's not like I'm still in love with him, but it's just hellishly awkward because we were friends (at the very least) and we went out extremely regularly. I want to be cool about it, I do. But then... damn it.

Am I the one who made things so awkward between us?

I guess, it would be a combination of guilt on his part and embarrassment on mine. He left me wondering what the hell was so wrong with me that he couldn't fall in love with me. If my self-esteem wasn't high before him, it laid in shreds after him... and this is after both Alvin & Leo did an admirable job of stomping me first.

But it's through trials that we become stronger right? I am stronger now, so strong that sometimes I wonder if I still have a heart beneath the steel protection. Or have I left it at home, in a safe?