Wednesday, September 24, 2008 . 6:09 PM

I'm officially off work, so it's ok to blog.

I write strictly when I feel like it, which explains why I can go for ages without updating anything. Today's cause for writing is simple:

I went on Facebook and starting voyuering other people's lives. Come on, they put their freaking pictures there for a purpose right? If they show, then I'll look, simple math.

Anyway I just want to go on the record and say that these people look like they lead more interesting lives than me - and they probably do.

Although I've always noticed the lack of exciting, life-altering events in my life, and at times feel the hollowness in my centre, I've always been able to brush it aside. It's just what I do, I ignore problems and issues.

Just like if, in the dead of the night, alone in bed, I hear strange sounds... what do I do? I bury my head under the pillow and quake under the blankets. If they can't see me, they can't hurt me.

Even my dreams tell me what a coward I am. When I meet monsters in my dreams, if they're chasing after me, I don't run. I lay down and play dead.

Yeah, I suck.

But so what? So what if nothing earth-shattering happens to me? That's not a bad thing right? There are some things I would work hard for, but nothing I would give my life for. Do I not have the fire in me?

Did I ever have the passion? The need to burn so fiercely and brightly that you'll torched everything in your path? Have I ever thirsted for anything so badly that I would die without it?

...

No, I have not. I've never gone berserk over anything or anyone before. Or have I? No, I'm positive that I have not. Ultimately, nothing is more important than me and my pride.

Never let it be said that I don't look out for number one. I'm not selfless, not at all. Do I want to be? Well...

I don't fear change, not much anyway. But I don't feel the need to change. Whatever for? Whoever for? Whyever for?

See, I'm ambivalent. Completely. Utterly so.

So bite me.