Friday, September 12, 2008 . 9:37 AM

I love Fridays, there's something very magical about them. Kinda like Disneyland, but instead of the 'Happiest Place on Earth', it's like 'Happiest Day of the Week'.

Actually, make that 2nd happiest day of the week, cos I'm happiest when I'm sleeping. Yes, boring is my middle name.

So yesterday I asked Wen to hang out even though my initial plan was to go home and slack. But that's all his fault cos he confused me when he told me I should accept the job offer when I've already made up my mind not to.

Every nerve in my body is screaming against the job offer and I'm never one to fight my instincts. So, it would have to be no go for me. And the other job interview I was looking forward to fell through, to my immense disappointment. I guess, there will be other jobs. I just need to look hard enough. And in the right places.

And change my resume photo into a shot that does not make me look nekkid. Bah~

Arm aching right now cos of the blood test I had to take for health screening. I hate needles... but love my tattoos. Such dilemma. I should go for touch-up, since it's been more than a year. Perhaps when I didn't just spend $600 on shopping? I'm still amazed by the amount of money I spend. Did I really not help boost Singapore's economy? Not even a little?

Tonight, I have plans. After such a long period of social dearth, I've finally decided to heck it all to hell and put myself in social situations. Let's see how long this social phase will last. I'm guessing... a week. Or less.

I know myself too well to know I don't have the energy to keep this up for long.

Talking to Wen last night was interesting. I realized that I have a lot of pre-conceived notions that are... unnecessary.

Why do I feel uncomfortable in the presence of people I'm attracted to?
Why do I feel tongue-tied?
What is it exactly that I fear?
Why do I think I'm unworthy?

Instead of trying to impress them, why do I not let people see the real me? I like to think I'm an interesting person even if I don't really know what my selling point is. I know my bad points: selfishness & narrow-mindedness. I love myself first and foremost, which is why I take rejection very hard. Which is why it is a HUGE issue for me to make the first move.

But what about me attracts people? I sincerely have no idea. I always jokingly say its my looks. But I don't really believe that. Looks draws the first glance, what follows after that is the person you are underneath. A beautiful person may appear gorgeous at the onset, but an ugly personality quickly belies the physical beauty.

Whereas a beautiful soul makes an average person... radiant.

I want to be a Radiant Being. But, I can't be someone I'm not. I'm not soft-spoken, gentle or demure. I don't want to be amusing - at least I don't want to be the butt of jokes, which seemed to be usually the case. Really, how do you get out of the pigeon hole?