Friday, August 17, 2007 . 12:28 AM

I get into certain moods and it makes me want to do certain things - certain impossible things, to be precise.

Like now, I want to get a car when:
1) I don't have the money
2) I haven't got a licence and considering that I've failed my BASIC THEORY TWICE
I really shouldn't be considering buying a car.

Yeah, it all stems from, I suspect, my boring, never-changing life. My dress sense might have changed, the acne might have cleared up and thanks to gift's gift to women - cosmetics, not chocolates, I've managed to make myself look pretty presentable. No way near gorgeous, mind you, but presentable.

But inside, I'm still the same old me. I still can't keep my room tidy to save my life, looks like a total wreck when I'm at home and quite simply, a nerd. I'm a nerd and a boring person and that is something I can't hide from the people closest to me, which so far means only my family members. No one else has seen past the surface gloss. Maybe I didn't let them, maybe it's just not done.

I know I'm a person who needs a strong shoulder to rely on. Yet, I have a tendency to push away helping hands. I can't help throwing up a wall in front of people I like/admire/respect because I don't want their pity. I guess it's a pride thing. So I need help, yet I refuse to admit it to others, where does this leave me?

Pretty much stuck in a rut, aren't I? I have absolutely no idea how to dig myself out. Sometime today, I asked myself, so what is it about me that will attract others to me? My bubbly personality, brilliant wit, irresistible charisma?

I'm nowhere as pretty as Kara, caring as Sharon, friendly as Elsie, shameless, oh, alright, humourous as Jeremy. I'm not talented like Aaron or Sana. I'm just... me. A little arrogant, a little shy, a little crazy and a little scared of being judged. So how can someone like me ever be liked by anyone?

Will there ever be anyone for me? Ever?

When will he appear?