Sunday, November 05, 2006 . 5:09 AM

Less than 36 hours to my 23rd birthday and here I am, creating a blog.

If you want to know why the sudden decision to join onto the blogging bandwagon, I guess it's because I want to step out and air some of my thoughts. You know how sometimes your mind is teeming with so much information that you desperately need an outlet for release? Yeah, I get like that sometimes and recently, these episodes have been occurring with increasing frequency.

I wonder if it's a sign of old age. I sincerely hope not!

5.07am. I'm still awake. Erm, Kara, if you don't see me in church, you'll know why...

Anyway, in Popular Bookshop today, I found an interesting book, 'The Toast Always Lands Buttered Side Down' or something like that. It talks about Murphy's law in our daily life and I particularly agree with this one:

Hindsight is 20/20

There've been many, many, many cases when someone tells me, or I'll say, "If only..." But by then, everything is too late. You would have missed the boat. Everyone, at some point in time, would miss some boats. And usually, that boat would turn out to be the biggest regret of their life.

At [almost] 23, I look back at how I've led my life and admittedly, there were things that could have been done better, issues resolved with more tact and efficiency. But isn't life a learning process? The whole point, in my opinion, is to get things wrong so that you eventually will get them right.

The person who does not err will never know the sweetness of success. I've stumbled. I've fallen. But I am proud to say that in this moment of my life, I can proclaim that I have never trampled on anyone in order to rise to the top. I have never intentionally set out to hurt anyone. There might have been thoughts, but they remained only that.

At times, I wonder if I had been willing to stoop a little lower, to put my morales on the line, would I be able to secure what I want? Dangerous thoughts to have, but I have them nonetheless. I do battle with these temptations everyday.

Life would be so much easier if I could stop abiding by society's moralistic standards. If only I can focus on my own needs and ignore the casualties if I choose pursue my heart's desires. But it all boils down to the fact that I am restrained by my principles and upbringing.

And so that is why I find myself searching now for a hiding place for those desires that should never see the light of day. Let me seal them in and toss the key away. Keep the demons at bay so I don't start committing errors that I swore I would never do.