figuratively speaking

2009-12-18T03:16:00.003+08:00

If there is a constant in life, that would be change.

Let's see what have changed since September. Only three months and I have:

1) Ran 2 10km runs and registered for a half marathon in May 2010
2) Failed driving exams twice and registered for a third try in Feb 2010
3) Gone to Korea & KL and is planning a trip to Bangkok in Jan 2010
4) Got the iPhone and retired the barely 1-year-old Samsung Omnia (sorry!)
5) Watched the trendy drama You're Beautiful and is hooked on Hwang Tae Kyung (Hyung-nim!)

It's almost Christmas now, which really means that the year is almost over.

*Gasp*

Where the hell did all the time go? I didn't spend it all sleeping, did I?

For some, I guess they had a real rough year. They started out with one status and now, that status had completely done a 180-degrees. Life's like that, it makes you think that it's going one way, then whacks you in the face with a completely unexpected turn.

I started this year attending weddings and will be ending the year planning for a wedding.

Not mine, of course. Life hasn't changed that drastically yet.

For now, I am contented to wake up everyday to my realities of work, friends and healthy activities. Busy busy busy, but if you're enjoying the buzz, it's all good.

2009-09-06T17:58:00.002+08:00

It's been months since my previous entry and I have to eat my words about the drama City Hall. It is astounding good and I was drawn in by both Cha and Kim's amazing chemistry. Too bad he's married cos they set the screen on fire!

Anyway, much has happened since April, like I've gone holidaying in Tokyo a month ago (amazing place, I want to go back again) and has just booked a trip to Seoul in October with Mom.

As usual, been spending too much money and not saving enough.

And... the date for practical driving test is approaching too fast. In about 10 days, I would take the test that, should I pass, I would be unleashed on the roads and inflicted upon other unsuspecting drivers. Scary thought, ain't it? I should have confidence that I would do well, but all my driving lessons so far hasn't convinced me that I'm ready for the big test. I know I am an extremely sucky driver, my reaction is slow, I'm a blind bat and I tend to be reckless. But I have been trying!

In 3 more lessons, I should improve by leaps and bounds - well, I better!

End of the year is coming, and other than Christmas and holiday and bonuses, I have 2other events to look forward to. Actually, not so much as looking forward as dreading them. I have signed up for the Great Eastern Women's 10km Run and Standard Chartered 10km Run at Elsie's... encouragement. I hope I survive the mini-mini marathons.

We've been practicising in the gym for a month plus. My stamina has improved and so have my weight. By improving my weight, I mean that it has increased. I am naturally worried by the weight gain, which means that I have to DIET!!! But like I have been telling my gym-mates, nowadays, the only thing that gets my heart racing is the treadmill...

Hoping that would change in the [near] future!

2009-04-17T09:13:00.003+08:00

Be careful what you write online (yes, even anonymously) because it might come back to bite you on the butt.

I'm not speaking from experience, but as a conspiracy theorist, I have to consider that angle before I put fingers to keyboard and post anything potentially damaging online.

Anyway, the subject that motivated me to blog today is this guy:

Cha Seung-Won.

Ok, I know the type of men most likely to get me drooling is pretty boys. Manly man like these ain't my kind of tea. So what's up with the Cha guy, you ask. Well... yours truly just so happened to have interviewed him 7 years ago when he was in town to promote a movie!

And yes, he is tall. Dark. Chiseled (his jaw and features, I mean). Definitely falls into the category of hunky-dory. But I think he was already married then. When I interviewed him, I didn't think he was that bigshot and it was like a one-on-one interview. I can't remember much, but I either interviewed him alone or with one other media at Goodwood Park.

It was my first and only press conference and I was young, terrified, inexperienced. But I survived the encounter, so that's saying a lot.

Anyway, I didn't think he was that big a deal and with the influx of Korean actors, his name was almost never mentioned... until now. Starring with one of my favorite actress, Kim Sun-Ah in this drama to be screened soon. I dunno... the premise seems somewhat flat. I don't have a good feeling about it. Like I didn't have a good feeling about When It's Night with Kim Sun-Ah and Lee Dong-Gun, but then, I didn't like Lee Dong-Gun cos... something about his acting rubs me the wrong way. And he and Kim Sun-Ah don't look right today.

At least Cha and Kim looks good in the photo above. Like, they've finally found a man for her! (No, Hyun Bin is not yet a man when he filmed My Name is Kim Samsoon with her. He is still not quite a man yet. But getting there, definitely getting there.)

Ok, and this ends my entry.

2009-03-26T23:34:00.003+08:00

Nope, didn't bump into him on the bus again today. I can't decide yet if I am disappointed or relieved. Relieved, I would think.

Anyway, despite what Elsie claims, I am not hung up or still have unresolved issues. And why I'm still talking about him is because I lead a super boring life now. A blast from the past is news for me. How sad is that, huh?

I feel unproductive at work both yesterday and today. I spent most of today putting together stuff for a magazine's beauty awards. It took me better part of the day to finish it. I have got to work faster and to be more thorough with my work. I am frustrated sometimes that I miss things out or make silly mistakes that can be avoided if I had checked my work just once more.

Laziness really is the biggest hurdle for me to cross.

Well, is this a boring entry or what? Can I help it that I'm a boring person and therefore couldn't blog about my exciting social life. Some people live for the drama in their life. Me, I live for the drama in others' lives. This probably explains why I get so involved in friends' lives, why I enjoy watching videos so much.

Living vicariously through others.

2009-03-25T09:57:00.002+08:00

This couple of days, I've been on a bloody roller coaster ride in the mornings. I've gone three years without bumping into him in town and then, wham!

Twice in a week, I bump into him on the same bus. What are the odds of that happening?

Some explanation is necessary, though words are really inadequate expressions at the moment. Basically, the man who so callously broke my heart three years ago has surfaced from whichever rock he has hidden himself under.

Yes, I know he's married and oh-so-in-love with his wife. It's not like I'm still in love with him, but it's just hellishly awkward because we were friends (at the very least) and we went out extremely regularly. I want to be cool about it, I do. But then... damn it.

Am I the one who made things so awkward between us?

I guess, it would be a combination of guilt on his part and embarrassment on mine. He left me wondering what the hell was so wrong with me that he couldn't fall in love with me. If my self-esteem wasn't high before him, it laid in shreds after him... and this is after both Alvin & Leo did an admirable job of stomping me first.

But it's through trials that we become stronger right? I am stronger now, so strong that sometimes I wonder if I still have a heart beneath the steel protection. Or have I left it at home, in a safe?

2009-03-09T09:48:00.004+08:00

Well, the big news of the week past isn't how badly the economy is suffering. I guess journalist and the general public exhausted that subject. Nope, the big news are as follows:

1. Edison Chen arriving at our sunny shores to launch Addidas and Carl's Junior thick burgers.
2. Jamie Yeo and Glenn Ong spilting up, then taking swipes at each other via the media. Oh, and they both happen to be dating other people already. (No... I'm not condemning them or anything, God forbid I should have that right.)

Meanwhile, in the northern corner of this tiny island, the biggest happening for a certain locally born and bred girl/woman is the 21st birthday of her biological sister.

As with all 21st birthdays (with the exception of her own), someone somewhere dictated that one must ALWAYS celebrate it with a big bang. And so the beloved boyfriend went on to organise a BBQ at a chalet in the eastern part of said island and invited practically the entire world.

Well, considering my aversion to crowds and socialising with strangers, you can imagine that I looked forward to this gathering as much as I looked forward to have my tooth extracted. Slowly. Sans anaesthesia.

So came that fateful day and I tried to work up some enthusiasm for the event. I must have managed somehow because I got out of the house, somewhat human. Before we head on to the party, of course we had to get the birthday girl a present right?

Option one: PSP

That option was shot to pieces when we found out that a spanking new PSP costs an arm and a leg. (If you're curious, it actually costs $500 upwards, frigging hell!) Apparently, SONY got smart and made the new batch of PSPs such that it can't be 'moded' for owners to download games, instead of buying the expensive original ones. Hence, the vendors are now capitalising on this and jacking the prices for the last batch of 'moded' PSP up sky high. The vendor promised me that 'prices will only go higher'. Yeah, why don't you go rob the bank or something?

Option two: Assorted stickers & notebooks & whatnots from my fav store in AMK Hub

The plan was to get a box for the gift mom got. But since I haven't chosen a present at this point in time and I didn't really fancy sharing a present with mom (reeks of insincerity), I decided to pick a gift from my fav shop. Hey, it's my fav shop for a reason all right? First, they have really cool schedulers imported from Korea. Why are they cool? Cos every page in the book is different and printed in full color. Woah... I'm a sucker for books, naturally I'm suckered into buy... over $80 worth of goodies on my first visit. That makes me a priviledged sucker cos now I have their membership card! Neni-neni-poo-poo~

Anyway, I ended up with this soft toy that has 'pockets' at the sides where you can put your hands into to keep them warm. You can also use it to pillow your head in your arms when you fall asleep while working on your laptop or when you skive at work. Hah!

It suits the birthday girl to a tee cos she does that frequently (fall asleep while on her laptop, not skivving. She doesn't skivve. I think.).

With the gift settled (there was a short episode where mom thought there was a gray version of the white soft toy when the salesgirl really was colorblind and called the white toy, gray. Duh!), we headed to the chalet where I lost my temper at the rude taxi-driver (really, is there any other kind?).

Who the hell knew that there is not one, but TWO Costa Sands Resorts around the same area? Definitely not me, girl-who-lives-in-north. You would have thought a cab driver would know, since it's his job to know these recreational hotspots. I can forgive a cab driver not knowing where certain HDB blocks in Punggol is, but not when it comes to popular places like Costa Sands Resorts or Singapore Zoo or Haw Par Villa. God save us from incompetent taxi drivers.

So birthday girl and boyfriend swooped in to save the day with grandpa's trusty old (I mean old) car. We made it to the BBQ in one, rather, two pieces.

But horrors!!!

There were no food left when we reached at 9ish. But I don't want to go into the whole she-bangs. Having listened to mom's 45-mins tirade as I sat in the back of the car on the way to Newton Circus for stingray & la-la after the obligatory cake-cutting ceremony, I'll spew a fountain of blood if anyone breathes another word of how un-catered the event is.

Really, I don't care if I don't eat a chicken wing or satay there. I was there for the birthday, not the food.

Anyway, the food at Newton tastes much better. Thanks for letting the food run out! v(^_^)v

2009-03-04T00:26:00.002+08:00

The more I learn about 'adult' relationships, the more relieved I feel that I am single.

I don't understand how two people who are unrelated, who were strangers until serenipity brought them together, can share their bodies, but not their hearts and future.

That feels so much like mating to me and it's so... animalistic. No offense, I know sex is a primal instinct that ensures humanity survival, but...

All right, I'm a prune; it can't be helped since I've been brought up in a super conservative and traditional family. Mum disapproves of dating before, like, 30. Which explains why I'm still single.

It really is tiring to have a mum who married her first boyfriend because she expects you to do the same. Things have changed since your time, Mom.
Relationship are complex and never what they seem on the outside. One couple can seem made for each other, but no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Having learn some things I'd rather not know about, I'm disappointed and upset at how fickle humans can be.

It's true that you never really know someone. Everyone has a hidden layer and it's hidden for a damn good reason.

Boring as my life is, I'm appreciative for what I have: job, friends, hope for the future. I think we'll all be happier if we can learn to enjoy being with ourselves. Men are seriously, seriously over-rated.

2009-02-02T17:15:00.005+08:00

First Sunday of CNY was spent watching the entire first season of Gossip Girl plus ten episodes of the second season.

If you haven't realized yet, my life revolves a lot around TV shows. Fictional dramas are a lot easier to deal with than real-life ones. Cos:

1. They have really cute protaganists & anatagonists.
2. Their troubles are deliciously decadent (should I pick the rich and cute guy who blows hot & cold or should I pick the poor and even cuter one who is hopelessly devoted to me?).
3. The problems are always resolved satisfactorily, unlike real life ones. Unless, of course, the drama in question is a Korean tragedy, then of cos one of the leads is going to die (picked off by illness, rival gang kill or accident).

But I digress. I'm talking about Gossip Girl here.

If you don't know yet, the hit TV series is based on a series of novels also (geniusly titled) Gossip Girl. I haven't read the books, so I don't know just how different the characters are protrayed.

But let me just say that the characters in the series are some of the most self-absorbed, vain, diabolical, bratty teenagers around. If I were a parent and I had kids like them... well, no. I don't want to have kids like them. They make Hitler look like a Nobel Peace Prize winner.

The next sentence is going to condemn me as a superficial bitch, but no one can deny the truth of it:

The main characters are HOT! Especially Chace Crawford:

Don't lie, I can see the puddles of drool in front of your screens now. Yeah yeah, so what if he is peternaturally gorgeous (some likened him to Zac Efron, but please! Zac Efron has nothing on him! It's like comparing Apollo with... Adonis. And make a smart guess who Apollo is?), I certainly don't care as long as he remains the eye candy in Gossip Girl. I like the eps when he takes off his shirt, which are plenty, so I'm a contented viewer.

The girls on the show (Blake Lively, Leighton Meester, Jessica Szohr and Taylor Momsen) exist to torture normal girls like us with their perfect skin, skinny asses, and wild lovelifes. All of them have the most enviable wardrobe. Which makes me wonder, is being fashionable genetically encoded into these New Yorkers' DNA or what? Regardless whether they are rich (Lively, Meester), middle-class (Momsen) or poor (Szohr), they have the most amazing clothes. And they're only teenagers! What the hell!!!!

And they date billionaires and English lords. They sleep with anyone they damn well pleased. Even though the first season degenerated into a farce toward the end (Spoiler: "I'm being blackmailed because I killed someone and I have to lie that I slept with other people so you won't hate me." Really? In which world would you not hate a partner who cheated on you?), I still continued with season two.

Starting ep 11 now, which makes less of sense than the previous 10 eps - and that's really saying a lot.

Still, nothing can ruin my enjoyment of the show since the hot guy remains hot (oh, Chace!), lonely boy is growing 'a pair' and the devil is developing a *gasp* conscience.

Actually, God forbid that Chuck Bass turns into one of the good guys. I like how double-crossing, diabolic, scheming he is. He does have a human side, granted that is an extremely twisted human. But heck, he has his own code of honor and he is completely loyal to Nate (oh, Chace!).

Right, I'm done with this post and I'll leave you with this image:

Don't you wish you were in bed with them?

You know you love me.

xoxo
Gossip Girl (er... not quite, but.)

2009-01-23T12:05:00.002+08:00

Adding to the list of types of guys attracted to me is this particular breed:

- emotionally unavailable
- lecherous (though all men technically are)
- maverick arseholes

Really, one shouldn't start the new year puking one's guts out. Cos it doesn't bode well for the rest of the yr. Ask me, I should know.

Am I really portraying the wrong image and therefore attracting the wrong kind of men? All I want, ever wanted, is a nice, staid man to call my own. What is so difficult about that?

Are unattached, emotional available, decent men all DEAD?

As someone put it so succinctly, I am 'attractive, smart, interesting, has a good figure and witty', why have I not been able to draw anyone decent to me in the past 25 years?

If there aren't anything wrong with men out there in this sunny island, then the problem lies with... me?!

Better the problem lies with me than outside uncontrollable factors for at least I can change the undesirable stuff about me.

Friends, if you call yourselves my friends, pretty please let me know what my blind spots are. I don't want to spend V-Day alone again!

2009-01-08T11:51:00.002+08:00

Ok, I officially regret what happened on NYE and I totally take back what I said in the previous post.

The weekend following NYE, I completely remember what it is I hate most about the dating game. I shan't go into details, but I think my heart isn't made to deal with the stress of it all. Too fragile and all that.

I think I might actually be happier wondering 'what if' than dealing with the harsh realities of a relationship, of being answerable to someone else other than myself.

Of course, this may mean that I just don't want to grow up. But is it so bad to have a Peter Pan complex?

2009-01-02T00:28:00.002+08:00

What did you do on the last day of 2008?

I repeated what I did on the last day of 2005 - I got roaring drunk.

But instead of demurely lying on the shoulder of a gentleman, I did what I wouldn't have done 3 years ago.

I kissed him.

What a way to start 2009 huh?

To the rest of the world: Have a great year ahead! We all need some luck... and love. Cheers!

2008-12-07T13:11:00.002+08:00

It's official: I suck at mahjong.

Therefore, I had to make a difficult and painful, yet totally necessary decision. I quit.

For real this time.

Last night marked the second consecutive week I headed down to Jolene's place for mahjong. After losing plus minus $20 the last week, I doubled the loss this week: $46.

That's $66 and I think I can buy a bag/dress now. Heartache? You bet.

I'm gonna miss mahjong, there's just something about the game that makes you want to play. But at the same time, it's oh-so-frustrating when you can't win the game. I think there is a chance I may develope high blood pressure from the game. So for the sake of my bank account and health, I am quitting.

Sometimes I wonder if the reason I like mahjong is because I've got a friend who is addicted to mahjong. (Yes, Sharon, that's you.)

Perhaps we can have other kinds addiction? Like perhaps shopping? Heading out where we can see more cute guys? Heh~ That's definitely worth paying for! Meanwhile, I have to hiberate a while to recuperate from the latest slaughter on the mahjong table...

2008-11-20T23:21:00.001+08:00

Apparently my body is made up of 24% of fat. That means I'm carrying around approximately 11.28kg of fat. Not much, really. About a sack of rice that can feed my family for like, 6 to 8 months. Not much at all huh?

But seriously, I'm not getting anorexic. I'm still eating, in fact, I had two humonguous bowls of rice on Sunday. But thanks to my newly-muscled gym buddy, I've embarked on (yet another) exercise regime. After slacking off my thrice-a-week gym sessions to about once-a-week, he has inspired me to get back on my feet by waving a book under my nose (along with his triceps).

So Monday (that's yesterday) was the official 'first day' although I had a trial session on Saturday that gave me sore (soon-to-appear) abs yesterday. But the real treat yesterday was bumping into his super cute would-be fitness instructor. All I can say is, no wonder he won the Manhunt title! Droolsworthy - nothing on Wu Chun, but few can compare anyway. It was distracting to have a cutie strutting around gym when one is drenched in perspiration and trying desperately to keep face from contorting with exertion. Enough about the cute fitness instructor and more on my exercise regime, I started doing circuits, which is supposed to help me train my core strength. And the exercise involved weights. I bench-pressed 10kg (ah-huh! Almost the same weight as my fats!), did biceps curls of 6.8kg and assort other exercises. I hope I don't look like Chunli (of Street Fighter) after all the training. That would be damn scary. The worst part is liposuction wouldn't work on muscles!

So, anyway, according to the book, I should have less than 20% body fat for my abs to show. And apparently that works out to 1kg of weight loss. Whatever... as long as I LOOK slimmer, it would mean effort is well worth it.

Of course, no exercise regime is complete without diet. So starting from yesterday I decided to eat heathily. Healthily ok? Not don't eat, but eat healthy stuff. Like yogurt. Eggs. Banana. Subway. And today was a bring from home sandwich. Open-faced peanut butter sandwich. Grapes. Think I'll make my Tuna Pasta for lunch tomorrow. Yummy... Think it's time for my snack (more grapes!). I'm giving it 2 weeks (the book says 2 weeks can see some results, otherwise I'm trashing the damn book. And Aaron.) before I go stand on my weighing scale and break out the measuring tape.

Stay tuned!

P.S. My cheat meal today was the most sinful thing ever: cheese & chocolate fondue. But I must say that they're worth every single calorie. But back to the punishing diet for another week tomorrow!

2008-11-03T10:16:00.002+08:00

Another weekend, except that it was my birthday weekend and non of my friends had time for me. Yeah, at times I wonder why I have so few friends too, but well, I've been like that for a quarter of a century and should be used to it.

At least I'm lonely when I'm alone and not lonely in a crowd. Somehow, I think that would have been worse.

So what awe-inspiring thing did I do last weekend? Well, let's see... I rose bright and early at 10.30am to get my PDL, skipped gym for a decadent brunch before dashing down for my first-ever driving lessons. Yup, I was actually behind the wheel for once and I survived the experience. Not once, but twice!

Course I did it again on Sunday night on the dark roads of Bukit Gombak. I think there were a lot of pissed off drivers in Gombak last night, but what do I care? The most important thing is I managed not to knock down any pedestrian! Considering my lousy motor skills, I am kind of amazed.

How bad am I behind the wheel? Well, let's see... I can lose my way playing Mario Kart. My hand-eye coordination is virtually non-existent and I think my instructor is a brave, brave man to let me take control of the wheel. Since he puts his life at risk everyday, every hour, I guess he's used to living life on the edge. Wonder what his insurance bills look like... Hah~

But fun though driving is, my beef with it is... payment. In cash. Two lessons last weekend cost me 154 bucks. I know, I know, my shopping costs more than that, but hey! I don't shop that much nowadays ok? It's like a quarterly affair now since my colleagues here don't really appreciate what I wear. There's no competition... I mean, who do I dress up for? The aunties or the workshop guys? Seriously...

So between the driving lessons and my insane credit card bills (those Fahrenheit boys had better be worth their weight in gold, man!), I'm wiped out this month. I'm so screwed that I don't really want to contemplate my finance status. That big plan about starting treatment for my face? Looks like I have to shelf it.

I know I am not realistic enough, which explains my credit crunch. But at least I'm not several grand in debt. Nope, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone. Lord knows I've been in debt before and I hated every second of it. Technically, if I have 7 grand now, I should give it to Gramps to pay him back for park of my degree course. But... well... can I settle for visiting him more often? I'm sure he'd rather see more of me than to see his money back. Or so I desperately hope!

Let's see... can I get a car at 25 after all?

2008-10-31T09:44:00.003+08:00

No wonder all General Practitioners are re-inventing themselves as Aestheticians, they earn bloody much!

Aaron and I went down to Neuglow at Square 2 last evening after work to see Dr Gerard Tan for our respective problems. Just to see and to talk to him (15 mins in my case and 5 mins in Aaron's) cost $50 each. And considering how long he looked at my skin (10 seconds), I think that has got to be the single most costly expense I ever made. The remaining time, we sat through a sales pitch.

What made it worst was that, out of nowhere, an audience appeared. I was asking the good doctor some question when suddenly I heard sounds behind me and I turned around. To my shock, there was a nurse (wearing totally inappropriate dangly earrings) and another female (who Dr. Tan said was a doctor too) in the room with us, listening to our consultation. They stayed with us the entire.

That has got to be one of my stranger experiences.

Anyway, the doctor suggested some procedure called Plamas (any relation to Plasma TV) which cost $2,000 for 3 express sessions. Express means no downtime. Other than that, I can consider a combination of IPL plus a session of Plasma for a lower package fee.

I don't mind spending the money if it actually improves my skin, but a word of advice for the good doctor: I think it's best to be more professional. At least introduce the people who suddenly appear in your office to your patient so they don't feel like 'what the heck' or like an lab test subject.

And of course, there was the thing I read about non-invasive treatments: it doesn't actually make the scars shallower PERMANENTLY. In the layman's term, the treatments kind of agitate your skin so that it produces more collagen (or some thingie that makes your skin plumper) so it looks as though your scar has lighten. But if you stop the treatments, the skin will 'sink' and it'll be back to square one, ergo, thousands of dollars washed down the drain.

And when I asked Dr. Tan whether the Plasma is the best choice for me, he laughed and said that there will always be new treatments for me to try. Which kind of tells me that I'm going to be addicted to these treatments.

Do I really want to go that rabbit hole? Suckered into paying for one after another long series of treatment to meet society's standard of beauty? Heck, I've signed up for gym, I've got a (cheap) massage package and now, I'm subscribing to this too? What's next?

Sometimes, I just want to just throw my hands up and let it be whatever it is.

2008-10-21T08:53:00.002+08:00

Ok, this is getting annoying.

How long will the political unrest in Bangkok last? How many prime ministers do you want to change before you will stop with the protestings? I want to go to your freaking country and spend my hard-earned money to improve your economy. But am I allowed to?

Lest I sound like a spoiled brat (I know I do), I'll like to clarify that I have nothing against the current PM or his predecessors. Neither do I have anything against People's Alliance for Democracy (PAD). From the reports, it seems that while Thaksin was in power, he did some good, but wasn't all perfect.

But I think that people who wield power are rarely pure, kind souls. There has to be a dark part of them wanting the power, wanting the blood that comes with the power, to continue on their chosen path. If they are pure, kind souls, they probably would not be in politics. They'll be Mother Theresa. Or Ghandi. Ok, maybe not Ghandi, since he lead protests, albeit non-violence once. But at least his actions were not politically motivated?

---

I need to bitch about work. Perhaps it's the end of the year or perhaps it's the unsatisfactory increment. It could even be the lack of decent lunch conversation and the torture of having to look at MM for 9 hours daily, 5 times a week, 20 times a month.

I am sick of work, the people around me and... everything. When one no longer derive pleasure from work, what is one to do? Perhaps I'm really annoyed with myself, because at 25 years old, I'm still pretty much penniless and a NON-EXEC. Yes, it grates because I didn't spend 1.5 years slogging through my part-time degree course so I can draw minimum pay and be labelled a non-exec.

I especially do not like being summarily dismissed. How can I be treated as an equal in a team when everyone else is an exec, except for me? Need to change job. NEED to change job!

2008-10-20T11:35:00.004+08:00

That was the movie Sharon, Aaron and I caught on Friday, after Sharon rushed back from a day trip to Malaysia with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Or my new nick for him is Bak Kwa Face...

Anyway, since everyone knows I'm pretty much a sucker for Wu Chun-related things, it goes without saying that Butterfly Lovers is a definite must-watch. Thank God that angmoh-pai Aaron loves pretty boys as much as I do and Sharon doesn't mind goodlooking actors who can't act. Or perhaps, they both love me too much to deny me the pleasure of watching Wu Chun's debut movie.

And that was how we ended up sitting through 103 minutes of Jingle Ma's adaptation of the Chinese version of Romeo & Juliet (the only diff being our main characters turned into butterflies after their death, unlike R&J). They even included the pill that induced a death-like sleep, like they had in R&J! Seriously, Mr Ma, didn't they teach you about plagerism back in film school?

But it's not the first time (nor last) a HK film gets 'inspiration' from other sources, so I really should not be surprised.

So, how did the movie far?

Well... let's go from left to right, shall we?

First, we have Hu Ge as the antagonist, Ma... Something. Can't remember. He appears for less than 1/3 of the movie, so how was I to remember? So anyway, at first he was really sweet, smiling in a dorky way at our main actress, Zhu, and defending her when she got into trouble. But it all goes to hell soon when he descends into the Hell of Gross Over-Acting. It sounds like I don't like Hu Ge, but that's not true! He's a goodlooking chap and I adore goodlookers. But he really performed horrendously here with the OTT rage scene and the borderline psychotic act. Maybe he just can't do evil, cos I've seen all the period dramas he's been in and I adore him in all of them. Maybe he should just stick to doing nice guys.

Second, Charlene Choi as Zhu Yan Zhi. What can I say? Her cross-dressing is cute... but she looks totally wrong in female gear. Her chemistry with Chun is... I don't know if it's a good time if everyone laughs uncontrollably during romantic scenes between the leads. Whenever the leads exchange adoring looks, everyone just falls over in fits of laughter. What's so funny? Maybe cos the cloying sweetness is just so fake? I'm not sure, but there were lots of unintentionally funny scenes and if I were Mr Jingle Ma, I probably would want to pretend this wasn't my movie.

Last, Wu Chun as Liang Zhong Shan. What can I say? God is kinda fair, I guess. His accented Mandarin doesn't really work for a period drama. In fact, it's like a rojak of accents. Hu Ge speaks with a Mainland Chinese lilt, Charlene is dubbed in a breathy, annoying, accentless voice, Harlem Yu, one of the side characters, speaks with a Taiwanese twang. And of course, our Wu Chun butchered the language completely. I don't know, a period role is wrong on so many levels. It plays to all his flaws:
1. weak command of mandarin
2. wearing dress-like clothes when he already looks so feminine

Maybe he thinks it's manly cos it allows him to carry a sword and do elaborate fighting scenes that requires him to jump from roof to river, but the fight sequences are so dizzying... all we saw was a blur.

Anyway, I thought if I were him, I would choose playing a mute assassin. See, there would be fight scenes, he wouldn't be required to talk or have much expressions. Just look tortured, if he doesn't know how, Keanu Reeves would be a great reference. Check out The Matrix Trilogy and Constantine. Oh, most importantly, he'll get to wear black trenchcoats and ubercool shades!

And carry a gun. Or two. And be in a Chow Yun Fatt/John Woo-inspired gun sequences with lots of doves are required. Woot~

For love interest and added angst, consult K-dramas where he falls in love with his target's daughter (gasps). He kills her father and then gets injured and she, not knowing he killed her father, saves him and falls desperately in love with him. Afterwards, when the truth comes to light, the girl's brother can attempt to kill him and she dies defending him. Our hero is heartbroken, but leaves the brother unharmed because she begs him to with her dying breath. He carries her body and walks off into the setting sun...

Woah~ fantastic idea right!! Someone write a screenplay already!

2008-10-16T08:58:00.002+08:00

Seems like lunch conversation nowadays revolves mainly around the credit situation triggered by the subprime. There was one colleague yesterday who asked where we keep our savings. He says he just opened a savings account with DBS, which should be safer than say, OCBC since DBS is a local bank.

Well, to this colleague, I'll like to ask him to look at the papers about the case of DBS's High Notes 5. See what came out of blind trust with the 'government's bank'? I'm not saying that DBS will go bankrupt like Lehman, I just think that when it comes to investments, buying from a government bank is no assurance.

Anyway, I truly dislike financial advisors. Correction, I should amend that it is the incompetent ones who do not know their products and do not bother explaining the risks involved in their products that ought to go drown themselves in shit. Gah, even worse are those who target blue-collar retirees who do not understand English.

I pause sometimes and wonder how different my job is from their's. While they sell direct to these people, my job is to hide the flaws of my products by highlighting its benefits. Not that my product is so beneficial since it contributes to pollution and depletes natural resources. Huh. That sounds so positive. I am so proud of myself.

2008-09-24T18:09:00.003+08:00

I'm officially off work, so it's ok to blog.

I write strictly when I feel like it, which explains why I can go for ages without updating anything. Today's cause for writing is simple:

I went on Facebook and starting voyuering other people's lives. Come on, they put their freaking pictures there for a purpose right? If they show, then I'll look, simple math.

Anyway I just want to go on the record and say that these people look like they lead more interesting lives than me - and they probably do.

Although I've always noticed the lack of exciting, life-altering events in my life, and at times feel the hollowness in my centre, I've always been able to brush it aside. It's just what I do, I ignore problems and issues.

Just like if, in the dead of the night, alone in bed, I hear strange sounds... what do I do? I bury my head under the pillow and quake under the blankets. If they can't see me, they can't hurt me.

Even my dreams tell me what a coward I am. When I meet monsters in my dreams, if they're chasing after me, I don't run. I lay down and play dead.

Yeah, I suck.

But so what? So what if nothing earth-shattering happens to me? That's not a bad thing right? There are some things I would work hard for, but nothing I would give my life for. Do I not have the fire in me?

Did I ever have the passion? The need to burn so fiercely and brightly that you'll torched everything in your path? Have I ever thirsted for anything so badly that I would die without it?

...

No, I have not. I've never gone berserk over anything or anyone before. Or have I? No, I'm positive that I have not. Ultimately, nothing is more important than me and my pride.

Never let it be said that I don't look out for number one. I'm not selfless, not at all. Do I want to be? Well...

I don't fear change, not much anyway. But I don't feel the need to change. Whatever for? Whoever for? Whyever for?

See, I'm ambivalent. Completely. Utterly so.

So bite me.

2008-09-19T09:52:00.002+08:00

It's a day of randomness cos I feel like it. I've been getting annoying calls first thing in the morning and it sucks. Yesterday it was the MD, followed by a long, harrowing phone call to a manager. I only wanted to ask one question, but got stuck on the phone for 15 minutes. When I came off the phone, I wanted to eat my phone so I wouldn't have to talk to him again.

But plastic is really unpalatable, so I dropped the idea - a decison I bitterly regret this morning when I had to again get on the phone with his assistant... Ugh, annoying. But I guess I am responsible somehow. I wish I can wring the life out of the person who got me into this quandary. It's been more than a month since work was briefed in and things are still half done. It's kind of like going to the toilet and then coming out without flushing or washing your hands.

Guess who has to clear the shit? (points to self)

Which is why, it is my responsibility to ensure everything is done, cos, according to my analogy, I'm the toilet cleaner. Ack~ Why do I do that to myself?

But this week is turning out to be a good week, 2 calls for interviews for next week. Whoopeedo!!! I'm optimistic and will channel the inner marketing guru. Haha...

And last evening, Aaron and I tried out the BodyCombat class. It was fun. I liked the punching, but I think my punches are pretty weak. I was watching this woman in front of us and she's like 'wow!' impressive! Instead of following the 2 macho (ok, 1 macho, the other a bit gu-niang) instructors, I followed her.

The actions in the class makes me kinda wonder I've stumbled into Shaolin by mistake. All the martial arts moves, you know, like we watched in period dramas where some highly skilled pugilist will channel his internal strength (nei gong) to defeat his enemies or to heal his injured friend (and said friend will have smoke rising from his head. WAHAHAHAHAHA).

Still, it's kinda of fun. I want to do it again. It beats the crap out of 45 boring minutes on the strider. And I come out of the class grinning at my awkwardness. Plus, plus, plus, there are some cute guys in class. No, not the instructors cos 1 is prolly gay and the other is... well. Haha...

Anyway, I realised I look kind of stupid doing the moves whenever I chance a look into the mirrors that flanked both sides of the room walls. I really look like an idea. And I super exposed myself in my running shorts. Ugh~ Luckily, I think I've got exactly the right pants for this class. I invested in a $79 pants a few years back in anticipation of a kick-boxing class that never came through. No matter, it's coming in handy now. Maybe I'll do Body Attack tomorrow. Should be fun too. I like the classes, so interesting!

Oh, and it's been 17 days since I've gotten my Ommie and I've already left it at home once. Haha... I like the phone, especially after learning how to use the GPS (even if it only shows direction to your destinations via expressways, which translate into ERP. Bleah...) and the internet. It's awesome and I'm pleased with it.

Except for some glitches... I keep having to restart the phone when stupid Windows hang or siphons my RAM so I can't start my camera even after closing ALL tasks. Dumbo... Well, nothing's perfect and I can live with this. I have to, seeing as how I really have no choice.

And one last bit of randomness: a video clip of Jay Chou singing his Beijing 2008Olypmics song. It's a bit late, I know, but I just saw the live version and at first, I thought he was lip-syncing cos the last time he sang live, he sounded horrible. In this, he's pitch perfect, hence the perfectly reasonable doubt of lip-syncing. Then our Golden Boy breaks out into rap during a bridge in the song and that completely blew me away. Watch and listen:

2008-09-16T08:41:00.003+08:00

Last week, the topic of the benefits of working for a bank came up on two occasions.

The first was brought up by Grandma, but Grandpa quickly defended me, saying that it's not all glitz and glamour working for a bank. Well, guess what? He's absolutely right. I'm glad I'm not in the banking sector now. (Sorry, Sharon... I'm not rubbing it in. Thank God you didn't go over to Merrill Lynch.)

As it is, the collapse of one bank and sale of another does not bode well for my plans for a job change. Like it wasn't tough enough trying to find employment in present climate. I was expecting an economical downturn, but this, this is so out of the blue.

Well, at least I didn't do anything rash and quit my job first. That would have been nightmarish. Having gone through an extended period of unemployment... I kind of like it.

What's not to like? I wake at noon and drift through the day. Watching drama series and reading books are the most strenuous activities I'll be doing the entire day. Do I really have to wait till retirement to be able to do that?

What would I give up for a life like that? Maybe, I can settle for not owning a car. And... not buying new clothes. If I'm going to be home like 95% of the time, why would I need new clothes? I wouldn't need cosmetics, but I need the basics: cleanser, toner, moisturizer.

I wouldn't need to do my hair every other month either.

Maybe I can survive on... $500 a month? Wishful thinking... I've got phone bills, gym membership and credit card bills to contend with. I've got books to buy, lots of them if they're going to relieve my boredom. Perhaps... perhaps I can take a few days leave just to laze... I mean, RECHARGE at home.

Worth considering.

2008-09-12T09:37:00.002+08:00

I love Fridays, there's something very magical about them. Kinda like Disneyland, but instead of the 'Happiest Place on Earth', it's like 'Happiest Day of the Week'.

Actually, make that 2nd happiest day of the week, cos I'm happiest when I'm sleeping. Yes, boring is my middle name.

So yesterday I asked Wen to hang out even though my initial plan was to go home and slack. But that's all his fault cos he confused me when he told me I should accept the job offer when I've already made up my mind not to.

Every nerve in my body is screaming against the job offer and I'm never one to fight my instincts. So, it would have to be no go for me. And the other job interview I was looking forward to fell through, to my immense disappointment. I guess, there will be other jobs. I just need to look hard enough. And in the right places.

And change my resume photo into a shot that does not make me look nekkid. Bah~

Arm aching right now cos of the blood test I had to take for health screening. I hate needles... but love my tattoos. Such dilemma. I should go for touch-up, since it's been more than a year. Perhaps when I didn't just spend $600 on shopping? I'm still amazed by the amount of money I spend. Did I really not help boost Singapore's economy? Not even a little?

Tonight, I have plans. After such a long period of social dearth, I've finally decided to heck it all to hell and put myself in social situations. Let's see how long this social phase will last. I'm guessing... a week. Or less.

I know myself too well to know I don't have the energy to keep this up for long.

Talking to Wen last night was interesting. I realized that I have a lot of pre-conceived notions that are... unnecessary.

Why do I feel uncomfortable in the presence of people I'm attracted to?
Why do I feel tongue-tied?
What is it exactly that I fear?
Why do I think I'm unworthy?

Instead of trying to impress them, why do I not let people see the real me? I like to think I'm an interesting person even if I don't really know what my selling point is. I know my bad points: selfishness & narrow-mindedness. I love myself first and foremost, which is why I take rejection very hard. Which is why it is a HUGE issue for me to make the first move.

But what about me attracts people? I sincerely have no idea. I always jokingly say its my looks. But I don't really believe that. Looks draws the first glance, what follows after that is the person you are underneath. A beautiful person may appear gorgeous at the onset, but an ugly personality quickly belies the physical beauty.

Whereas a beautiful soul makes an average person... radiant.

I want to be a Radiant Being. But, I can't be someone I'm not. I'm not soft-spoken, gentle or demure. I don't want to be amusing - at least I don't want to be the butt of jokes, which seemed to be usually the case. Really, how do you get out of the pigeon hole?

2008-09-11T08:42:00.003+08:00

Are we an elitist society? Coming off the article about the Serangoon Gardens Dormitory debate, I cannot help but think so.

Fact: I have voiced my own concerns about housing foreign workers in a residential estate. I have, on occasion, made negative remarks about them despite the contribution they have to Singapore. I think they probably contributed much more than I did... I don't think my shopping has caused any huge impact on local economy.

But reading what others think about these foreign workers, I realized how negatively we think about them. What is it about them that makes us uncomfortable? Have they shown any proof that they could not be trusted to pounce on young women and hurt our children?

Perhaps I haven't been reading the news as much as I should be, but I don't think they have done anything to be shown such widespread mistrust and dislike. Yes, foreign workers have emotional needs, as well as physical needs. Hence the bustling business in Geylang. But I think it is a bit unfair to assume that women would be in danger because of that. At a basic level, they are as human as we are. Though we have our cultural differences, I think, on a very basic level, we're human beings and we have the same sense of right and wrong.

So, are we fearful of them because they look so different and came from a very different background? Are we now The White Man, and them, The Lowly Migrant? If we speak of the Western oppressing us of the yellow skin, so many years ago, aren't we doing the same thing to the foreign workers now?

I ask again, do we really have good cause to doubt their integrities and their sense of honor? Do they not work hard at their jobs? Why do we not accord them some respect? Would we object to a Singaporean construction worker for a neighbor? Would we fear for our safety and ask for security measures against them? If we would not discriminate against 'one of us', then, are we objecting now because foreign workers are not 'one of us'?

As I read others' comments and reasons for not wanting the dorm built in Serangoon Gardens, I feel ashamed that I once harbored such unfair thoughts about them. The anecdote about the foreign worker staring at a resident as she walked by made me feel uncomfortable - not for the girl, but for the foreign worker. In the account, the girl admitted that she thought he meant no harm. If so, why then the complain? If someone else had looked at her, maybe a cute guy, an uncle at the coffee shop, would her reaction be as such? Do we not frequently look at others?

It saddens me that I need to see myself through others before I realize how unwholesome and prejudiced my thoughts are. Even after studying about cultural imperalism of the Western society, how they belittle the Asian identity and blah blah blah... I did not realise how I've, all of us, have stepped into their shoes.

No matter, I will try to have more tolerance for foreign workers. Should they choose to house foreign workers in my residential area, I will not kick up a fuss.

I do think, however, that 1,000 foreign workers in an area of 5,000 is a really high ratio. How about 500 or 700? Other than Serangoon Gardens, there are other areas to house them, Kranji, Yew Tee, Bukit Batok...

Singapore is ours, but they've helped to built it, so shouldn't we play nice and share?

2008-09-04T10:54:00.002+08:00

My Omnia arrived at 10.45am.

10 minutes later, I'm still staring at the glossy package and unable to tear into it. Why? Cuz it's such sweet torture to see it sitting on my desk, yet not closing the 20cm distance to reach for it.

How can I describe the feeling I got when my colleague called out for me to receive a package? I look up and my heart skipped a beat when I saw the Hello! Singtel bag. I half-ran, half-walked over and with shaky hands, bidded my trusty Z610i goodbye. Though Z610i and I had an ambicable relationship, I wasn't sorry to see it go. I never had extremely strong feelings towards it, you see.

But the Omnia is different. I may have to christen it, like you know, how some people christen their car? Well, my Omnia will be treated with the same loving respect. Maybe more.

I feel like I'm back in Secondary School and my crush is sitting just to my left. I would always try to look at him out of the corner of my eye without turning my head. I'm doing the same thing now, except, it's not sitting that far left and my eyes won't end up getting crossed. My pulse quickens whenever I look at it and I get this delicious shiver up my spine when I envision touching it.

I should really charge it, in case I get any calls... you never know right? Oh lord... I'm gonna be touching the Omnia. I'm gonna get down and dirty with it... My breath is coming faster, I'm also panting with desire...

Come on, baby...

2008-09-02T11:29:00.002+08:00

Who knew Batam can be so costly? Can I say I did? I really did cos I used the powers of logic. See, Batam is frequented by Singaporeans and angmohs, so it makes sense that they earn as much from us as possible. They don't have to price themselves dirt cheap, just slightly cheaper than Singapore's standards and there you have it. Suckers like us swamp in.

The 2-days weekend at Holiday Inn Resort cost as follows (price in estimation only):

Accomodation + Ferry: $100
F&B: $75
Massages: $250
Transport: $8

In total, I spent $433 for the trip. I may as well just go BKK. But then, it's a good thing we didn't, what with the state of emergency and all. Hey, but it's a really good reason to give boss for not coming to work.

'Sorry boss, I really want to come back to work, but I can't leave my hotel, it's too dangerous! I need another few days' leave...'

Yeah right. In my dreams... but after spending a bomb in Batam, I came back and went straight to Comex. I had totally forgotten what a crush these IT shows are. Just goes to show how many Technophiles there are in Singapore. Scary. I must not be counted among them, though. I didn't go to browse.

I went with a Purpose.

The one. The only. The original. Samsung Omnia.

No, I'm not paid to advertise for Samsung, they got the pretty Korean actresses for that. I just pay to own a small piece of majesty they call the Omnia. I'm in fact, paying $398 for the Omnia. A small price, considering they were selling at the IT show at $488 after a $100 trade-in and 2 years contract.

And the Singtel people at the roadshow are so evil. They looked down their bulbous noses at my Song Ericsson Z610i! Told me it's full of scratches and can fetch only $50. Gah! An outside shop offered me $60 for it ok? And you dumb online store says it's worth $100! So I gathered my bruised pride and snatched my phone back from the evil red-shirt people and stalked out of the Singtel booth... and saw the 3 hours queue.

I did the smart thing, of course. No, not join the queue; that's so Singaporean. I went to have dinner. Hahahaha... I came back later, of course. And because I had doubts about buying Omnia (I blame sister and the evil red-shirt people for planting the seeds of doubts), it was eradicted after I went over to the Samsung booth and toyed with the Omnia. Of course, the sales guy being so darned cute helped too.

Sexy small eyes and smooth skin! That he was pretty short didn't register till later. Anyway, I touched the Omnia and was lost. It made me believe in love at first sight. My dead heart, which hasn't raced for any man in recent years, raced for a mobile phone.

I wanted to own it and own it NOW! (I'm still talking about the phone here, not the cute Samsung guy)

But I can't shell out 900 bucks for it right? I went mournfully home and stared at online pictures of the phone.

Came Monday and after my infamous colleague, MM, irritated one time too many, I logged onto Singtel in a fit of anger. And saw a Miracle!

The Omnia going for $498, even without trading in my scratched phone. I didn't hesitate, I went ahead and bought it online. And so! You're looking at a proud owner of Samsung Omnia... in about 48 hours time.

I can't wait, I can't wait. I want my Omnia, I wanna caress its smooth body and fit it snugly in my hands. Ooooh...

Gimme an O!
Gimme a M!
Gimme a N!
Gimme an I!
And gimme an A!
What do you have?!
OMNIA!!!

2008-08-27T08:44:00.002+08:00

It's not that I haven't been free to blog, I just didn't have any topics to blog about. While I can wail about how uninteresting my life is, but the topic has been covered so many times in so many ways that it bores even me.

But this morning, boredom hits a new level and I decide to just try to write nonsense. And apparently, writing nonsense is more difficult than it seems.

It's particularly boring this morning because my colleagues didn't turn up to work. See, we sit in a cluster of 4 and being the odd one out in my own department, I'm stuck sitting with 3 people from the Parts department. 2 people are missing and... I'm bored.

Huh. It just occurred to me that I can never advertise this blog or I'll never be employed again. I spend wayyyy too much time blogging during working hours. I just can't be bothered to do these things at home. I spent almost 24 hours online during my secondary & poly days IRC-ing, surfing fansites for my favourite authors, HK dramas and gorgeous HK actors (Edison Chen! Nicholas Tse!) and I'm just not interested now.

My readers (Aaron, Sharon) would be interested to know that I picked up photoshopping because I wanted to do posters of cute actors. So geeky, but my photoshop skills still comes in damn handy, ok? Besides, Aaron was part of an anime fan-subbing group, so he'll be a fine one to speak if he dares call me a geek. And Sharon... well, I can always threaten to tell her parents that she smokes if she calls me a geek? Wahahahaha... I love a good blackmail.

Yah, anyway, I still remember the good old days (meaning back in poly days when one has too much time on hand) when I used to chat with fellow incorrigible HK fans like myself and squeal about how cute this and that actor is. We all talked online and became sort of MSN pals. We even started a website together! But that didn't last long, eventually we all lost interest and one of them caught pneumonia and died. Oh yeah, about this girl who died? I still don't quite believe the story.

If I sound hard-hearted here, I'm sorry. But the story just seems a bit ridiculous. She caught puenmonia and quickly succumbed to it. While she was hospitalised, her sister or her boyfriend would update the group of us her status via MSN. Since we never called or visit each other (hello, different countries) we have never seen this girl or her sister or boyfriend. So... I mean, if I die back then, no one would inform my online friends that I'm dead lor.

So yeah. I tend to judge others by the way I would behave. So critical but can't be helped. I've got a Virgo on 8th House Cusp. Wahahaha... I just fancied saying that.

Nonsense is really hard to write.

2008-08-19T10:59:00.006+08:00

We can't in the end have every household in Singapore own a car, like in America... But what we can do is to have the roads free-flowing and a first-class public transport system for everybody. -- Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong

Being in the automotive industry, I have to get a little depressed when I hear that cuz, what about my bonus?!. The aspiring yuppie in me also despair because I can hear the 'pop' that tells me that my bubble has been burst. But the Earthling that I am rejoices because it means I'm helping to save the environment.

I don't mind taking the public transport that much. Maybe I hate the shoving and squeezing during peak hour. And the inaccessibility of certain places (Siglap, Geyland, Punggol...) but I've survived with them for so long, certainly I can do without them.

However, I have to point out the sad and cruel fact that our public transport system is anything but first-class.

Since our PM does not like comparing ourselves with US, then how about Taiwan or better yet, Hong Kong? We love pitting ourselves against HK anyway as THE Business Centre.

And compared to both countries' public transport system, ours is pathetic. I haven't been to HK before, but Taipei's public transport is an eye-opener. People actually keep to the right, leaving the left free for those rushing for trains. If you are a clueless foreigner, you'll quickly learn their ways because they're not afraid to teach you the right way.

And then there's the little matter of people queuing to get into trains. How uber cool is that? Imagine, no aunties digging their meaty elbows into your ribcage, stomping on your foot with their Bata slippers and tripping you up with their groceries to be one step ahead of you to get into the train and their asses on the limited edition seats.

If your perfect public transport world is merely courtesy on the trains, you have got it in Taipei. And if your perfect world is accessibility, well, Taipei is still the answer. I took train EVERYWHERE. All their major tourist spots have their dedicated MRT station. Except maybe Miramir and PS Bubu. But everywhere else, I happily climbed onboard the train and let it take me where I want to go.

Now Singapore... we need to build our trains faster. Holland is a cool place to hang out, but I have only been there twice. Why? Cuz it freaking takes me hours to get there. I don't have a direct service there cuz Yishun is apparently The End of Singapore and there's no need for people to get into Yishun and neither is it necessary for us to get out. I feel discriminated against.

Show me more accessibility in our 'first-class' public transport and sure, I'll stop hankering after a hunk of metal with 4 wheels with a cat/horse emblem at its front.

-----------------------------------------------------

2008-08-19T01:55:00.001+08:00

Just for you, Sharon. *wink*

2008-08-18T08:30:00.003+08:00

Weekend passed in a whirl. I woke late on Saturday (as usual) and it was pouring. That strangely made me feel better about waking late cuz rainy days are made for sleeping in.

Then, for the first time in a long long time, I hit town on a Saturday. Sharon and I had dinner and then, for want of better things to do, we sat in front of the MRT station and chatted. And people-watched.

And came to the following conclusions:

1. The only people who came to town on weekends anymore are all below the age of 22.
2. Singaporean men are skinny and desperately need to improve their dress sense.
3. If we ever want to be attached, we need to lower our standards. By a large margin.
4. We'll really rather be in Taipei, Ximending.
5. Boys/Men really shouldn't be sporting skinny jeans in jellybeans color. It's unnatural.

We sat there for 2-3 hours and Sharon bumped into 2 friends. I bumped into no one. That should hardly be surprising since I don't have many friends and Sharon has tonnes. Which is why her chances of finding a partner should be significantly higher than mine. But why aren't her friends introducing eligible bachelors to her? I'm her friend, but unless she wants MM, I don't know any other single, available men.

Is that the case for most people? They simply don't know anyone good enough for their friends.

So then who else can we rely on to introduce a man who can be a potential candidate to share his DNA with for your progeny? Our government seems to think that our parents hold the key.

You know the NTUC ad that said mother knows best? Well, our PM Lee wants us to take that literally and listen to our parents when it comes to seeking our life partners. And where did he learn such... progressive methods of matchmaking? Where else but in China?

You know, since they're holding the Olympics this year and have such a large population, they MUST know the secret to floating falling birth rates, never mind their disastrous one-child policy.

Seriously, why don't we just bind the feet of young girls now while we're at it?

I really don't have an issue with the government establishing SDU (for graduates ONLY), even if I think it's the ultimate elitist behaviour. What? We're not good enough if we're ONLY Diploma holders? Suppose if we inter-breed with the graduates we'll produce less than sterling offsprings and ruin the Republic?

But I had organised events for SDU and know what kind of members they have, so I can hazard a guess that maybe the government is really trying to protect us from them...

Anyhow, the big question is, do we really have to end up going back to traditional methods to get hitched? Do parents really know what is best for their children? Is the freedom to choose our life partner over-rated? It looks like the more choices we have, the more we find it hard to choose.

I, for one, believe that there's a better man out there than this sad, pathetic bunch who vie for seats with old ladies on trains. It's a common sight if you actually take public transport. For some reason, though they might be suit-wearing, PDA-totting, they are still unable to read the 'Priority Seat' sign. Gosh, did we go through a different education system? I didn't have trouble reading the sign at all. Or perhaps you don't recognise the signs of old age?

Let me give you some clues: usually gray hair, wrinkles and awful sense of balance ups the chances of these people being eldery. And those women with protruding stomachs? Well, I have news for you, they didn't just swallow a cow, they're probably trying to do what the government has been telling us is our civic duty. Like give birth to future leaders.

And what are you stupid men doing? You orgasmed and that's it. You don't have to suffer morning sickness, bloatedness, cramps and agonizing pain during labour. You don't have to go without showering for a month after labor or breast-feed. You experience pleasure and then you're job is done, how fair is that? So you definitely DO NOT need a seat on the train more than the pregnant woman in front of you does!

And I wonder why I'm still single... I don't think I want my child to have any of those traits in her genetic make-up. It would be a complete sin and I'm an evil enough person as it is.

Nope, unless I find a saintly man who gives up his seat on the train to the eldery and pregnant ladies, I'm staying single. Oh, and thanks but no thanks mom, you know better than to set me up with anyone. SDU? Don't make me laugh.

2008-08-15T14:26:00.003+08:00

Friday. I'm sleepy.

Usually, I'm more vocal about my love for Fridays, what with it being the last working day of the week and all. But today, I'm simply worn out from too much food and not enough work-out.

Yes, I know how that sounds: sick.

But I can't help it. I feel guilty about the amount of food I've put into myself. Don't ask me what they were, I don't want to remember. But a couple of items involved pork floss and deep frying... *drool*

Aaron pinged me this morning to comment that I must have loved 8day's theme (Ah-Lian) this week. How utterly and completely evil. But that's my friend for you. I learnt the finer nuances of Evilness from His Royal Bitchness, you see. Anyway, I think everyone needs to have their eyes (and brain) checked.

I am not LIAN. Not at all. If anything, I'm a NERD.

Yes, I'm a nerd and you know what? I'm damn proud of it. I even have the glasses to prove it. Plus I'll choose a good book over a night out any night; my room is dusty because of the sheer amount of books sitting in a corner gathering dust. And... and I don't paint my nails (anymore).

That's a true sign of nerdiness ok?!

I'll really rather tackle nerdiness than lianness because nerdiness is in now! Look at Kahlil Fong. He epitomes nerd-cool. He's not a goodlooking guy but I'll date him without hesitation if he asks ('if he asks' being the key). He's got such a smooth voice... yum~

So yes, I like nerds quite a fair bit. Much than than bengs. Or those ABC-wannabes. Or Angmoh Pais like Aaron. No, I don't like those and I suspect that the feeling's mutual. At least until now, my target audience never venture far from bengs and uncles. Very sad I know. But I could do worse... how? Don't ask me, I don't know either, but I'm trying hard to console myself here!!!

I kind of figured out (finally?) what my real problem is.

You know those people who experiment with drugs because of their curiosity? Nope, not me.

Or those who invent magical stuff like telephone and plane because they're curious about what it would be like to have ? Not me either.

Those who slipped into wonderous daydreams while going through their mundane lives, wondering 'what if'? Now, that's closer to me.

See, the thing is, I don't like getting hurt. I know, nobody likes getting hurt, except those who're into S&M, so why should that be my excuse? But I'm not trying to find an excuse, I'm just trying to find the cause of the rut I've fallen into. So I can attempt/pretend to dig myself out.

In my 25 years, I have never sprain any part of my body before. Neither have I fracture anything, not even a finger. I say that like it's a bad thing, but I think that people who live in the moment would inevitably get hurt. And because they get hurt, their capacity to deal with pain increase. I don't have that ability because I've been too worried considering the depth and cause of the would-be pain.

Instead of living life, I think about it. All I seem to do is think. And then whine.

God, I'm becoming one of those unbearable people who doesn't take charge of their life to effect change and instead complain endlessly about the lot handed out to them. Instead of giving it my best shot since I've only been given one chance, I groan and complain bitterly.

Shit.

I am what I hate the most: All talk and no action!

If this is The Revelation, then it sucks major ass.

2008-08-14T09:28:00.005+08:00

What is the world coming to?

I know that everyone is superficial. I have been guilty of the same charge on countless occasions, but it doesn't stop me from being judgemental. The whole episode about China using a subsitute for chubby-and-unattractive Yang Peiyi during the Beijing Olympics ceremony is the stuff reality is made of.

Let's take a look at the alleged Ugly and Pretty.

What the hell?

How can anyone look at Yang and see HIDEOUS written on it? She looks as a child should, bashful and sweet, radiating innocence in her pretty eyes. What's so wrong with looking like a kid? She's just 7 years old and probably untainted by the harsh realities of life. That is until the best thing that happened to her turned out to be the worst.

I hate to imagine how the organisers told her the bad news.

"Sorry, you're too ugly to be shown to the rest of the world, so we'll have to bring in someone else. Oh, by the way, she can't sing so we'll be using your voice. What do you mean why we're using her? Obviously because she's prettier and that's all we care about."

The confidence and self-image of a child, crushed so callously. And we wonder why our youths are so shallow nowadays. When you have shallow leaders setting such sterling examples, how can their people be expected to behave otherwise?

As if young people don't already have other issues to deal with, like 'Doing better than their peers in school'. Do they have to introduce the beauty competition so early on?

Give them a break. They'll find out how obsessed the world is with beauty soon enough. You need only to open the papers to see it. They probably already have a hint of it in school where teachers probably treat pretty kids nicer than plain ones.

All I'm asking is not to hit them over the head with the brutal truth.

And when they're all grown-up and can appreciate how 'ugly' they can, I ask that society doesn't judge when they decide to take charge of their own lives and undergo cosmetics surgery.

If by changing the size of your nose or dissolving a couple of inches off your waist, you can change your life, why not? And it's your life, no one else has the right to judge. They aren't the ones who have to look into the mirror everyday and they're not the ones who have to live your life - be it crappy or otherwise.

We're into free will right? Then I say give people the right to alter their bodies and stop judging them because they have the guts to do it. But, if you want to judge whether the surgery was a success or failure, then by all means.

I accept that people would inevitably say, 'She did her nose? The surgeon not so good ah?' but I can't stand the hypocrisy of 'She's quite pretty hor? Oh, the nose fake one ah? Eeeee... then not nice liao.'

What do you mean 'not nice'? A pretty face is a pretty face, how can a face initially judged as attractive suddenly not be when you find out that it's not God-given?

Besides, lots of hard work have gone in the man-made face that you look down your nose on. First, money has to be earned to pay for the freaking expensive surgery. Then the doctor has to do the work. Then the after surgery care. Think it's easy to be attractive?

Think again.

Being born pretty suddenly seems so unfair now, doesn't it? But, beauty doesn't last forever. If you want to extend the lifespan of your beauty, don't you need skincare? Isn't that man-made? What about cosmetics?

Let's face it. Nothing is natural anymore. So quit judging what's real and what's not.

2008-08-12T08:30:00.004+08:00

爱情转移 -- 陈亦迅
徘徊过多少橱窗
住过多少旅馆，
才会觉得分离也并不冤枉，
感情是用来浏览，还是用来珍藏，
好让日子天天都过的难忘，
熬过了多少患难，湿了多少眼眶，
才能知道伤感是爱的遗产，
流浪过几张双人床，换过几次信仰，
才让戒指义无反顾的交换
把一个人的温暖转移到另一个人的胸膛，
让上次犯的错反省出梦想，
每个人都是这样，享受过提心吊胆，
才拒绝做爱情代罪的羔羊
回忆是找不到的月光握紧就变黑暗
等虚假的背影消失于晴朗
阳光在身上流转，等所有业障被原谅
爱情不停站，向开往地老天荒，需要多勇敢

烛光照亮了晚餐，照不出个答案
恋爱不是温馨的请客吃饭，
床单上铺满花瓣，拥抱让他成长，
太拥挤就开到了别的土壤
感情需要人接班，接近换来期望，
期望带来失望的恶性循环，
短暂的总是浪漫，漫长总会不满
烧完美好青春换一个老伴，
把一个人的温暖转移到另一个人的胸膛，
让上次犯的错反省出梦想，
每个人都是这样，享受过提心吊胆，
才拒绝做爱情代罪的羔羊
回忆是找不到的月光握紧就变黑暗
等虚假的背影消失于晴朗
阳光在身上流转，等所有业障被原谅
爱情不停站，向开往地老天荒，需要多勇敢

把一个人的温暖转移到另一个人的胸膛，
让上次犯的错反省出梦想，
每个人都是这样，享受过提心吊胆，
才拒绝做爱情代罪的羔羊
回忆是找不到的月光握紧就变黑暗
等虚假的背影消失于晴朗
阳光在身上流转，等所有业障被原谅
爱情不停站，向开往地老天荒，需要多勇敢
你不要失望，
荡气回肠是为了
最美的平凡

Breathtaking lyrics if you can read/understand Chinese. Sometimes I think the Chinese language is a way more descriptive language than English, maybe that's why it's so hard to master. But I could be biased, since it is my mother tongue and all.

The song to the lyrics above is sung by Eason Chan. I've never really been a fan, despite him sweeping award after award in major music awards' ceremony. Maybe I've just been too mainstream for Eason. He is, after all, into pushing limits and trying out new sounds. Once in a while, his more radio-friendly hits will make its way into my playlist and this song seems destinied to stay on that list for a while.

While we're on the topic of songs and musicians, I might as well rave about Khalil Fong and Fiona Sit. I don't know how these HK record companies work, but it seems that they are fond of pairing female and male singers together for duet. They enjoy using the same pairing - maybe to hint at (non-existent) romance between them for the paparazzi's benefit and to boost the singers' popularity?

Anyway, I'm rather impressed by Fong & Fiona... let's call them F2. (I'm such a riot.) I heard their (sorta) live performance on One Million Star and was blown away. Bloody hell, they can harmonize! I was riveted the whole time they were singing, which is more than I can say for the song he dueted with one of the contestants.

Perhaps I'm being too harsh. With F2's familiarity, they would perform well. It would be a shock and disgrace if they didn't since I understand that they perform together on a regular basis. Whereas the poor contestant only had a few days' of practice. She did quite well... but had nothing on Fiona Sit.

Have a listen, judge for yourself.

Khalil Fong & Contestant -- 四人遊

F2 -- 復刻回憶

BONUS!! F2 -- 四人遊

2008-08-05T11:03:00.005+08:00

What a shock it is to realize that there are Twilighters out there who didn't enjoy the book as much or more than I did.

I spent the weekend reading the 4th and last book in Meyer's Twilight series. I was so obsessed that I started reading from 8pm till 4am on Sat, then woke up at 9am on Sun to finish the book. I simply couldn't bear the thought of facing Monday without knowing what happens to Edward, Bella and Jacob. When the clerk at Popular bookstore told me that the book was already in store, it was all I could do not to climb onto the counter and start doing a celebratory dance.

That would have been quite a sight, I'm sure.

But my obsession with Twilight went further than that. Imagine this:

Lgging on to StephenieMeyer.com once a day to stare at the countdown counter, hoping it would miraculously 2nd August already. Pre-ordering Breaking Dawn (something I thought I would never do after the end of HP series) and re-reading the first 3 books in Twilight to prepare myself for the last installment. Scouring websites for any teensy weensy bit of info about Stephenie Meyer talking about her experience writing the book, how she felt about her characters, the up-coming movie... and fanatically dodging any article that remotely hinted at any spoiler for the new book because I don't want anything to spoil the plot for me. I don't want to know anything until I read it for myself in the book.

If that doesn't scream fan behaviour, I don't know what does.

To be honest, I didn't and still don't understand the comparison to J.K. Rowling's HP series. Granted, both series are set in the fantasy realm and both are targeted (successfully) at young adult readers, but have also found an older following. That's where the comparison ends.

Edward and Bella's story is about 2 outsiders who realized that they're 2 halves of a whole. Except, if he ever lost his steely control, he would be as likely to kill her as love her. Theirs is essentially a love story, you know, the epic kind because it is forbidden and therefore deliciously seductive. It's fascinating how Edward, an immortal, strong and beautiful beyond your wildest imagination, is brought low by a mere mortal. He meets Bella, wonderfully flawed and multi-faceted, and she becomes the chink in his armor.

Which woman doesn't want to be the only weak spot of an exceptionally strong man? Except Bella not only tempt Edward's stone-cold heart, she also whets his bloody appetite. Whenever he looks at her or smells her, he's wrecked with the uncontrollable need to protect her and over-whelming desire to suck her blood dry.

Talk about fire and moth. That's about as close as you can get and I, along with millions of other people, are suckers (haha!) for it.

I'm not doing a recount of the book (go buy and read it!) but I am happy with how the story turned out. I think the last book is a coming-of-age story, of how Bella grew into herself and realized her full potential, rather than a pure romance story, like the first 3 books.

In previous books, she had always been protrayed as strong. Yes, even turning zombie after Edward left doesn't weaken her because she is only human and Edward is her soulmate. How do you survive when part of your soul has been ripped out? So, forgive her for being human and look at her other extraordinary traits. Like how she always put people she loved before herself and display courage and immense inner strength under fire. All these traits (and more) come through in the final book.

I think I understand why some readers might not find BD as gripping as previous books. For younger readers, it might be due to the slightly more mature theme and understated romance. Instead of the drama imbued in previous books, I think we got a more grounded relationship. They are no longer BellaEdward? but BellaEdward. That is significant because being in love is more than just the butterflies in the stomach and the fire in the touch. There has to be something more sustaining - like trust, respect, affection, tolerance, maybe a dash of blindness... but you get the point. Being in love isn't effortless, you work at it until you get damn near perfection and that, I think, is what Meyer is saying in her latest book.

Except marital troubles come in monstrous forms (literally) for our favorite couple.

I think, Edward and Bella are to the 21st Century what Romeo and Juliet are to the Shakespearan era, only with fangs.

Pre-Million Star Days

2008-07-22T15:42:00.003+08:00

Transformation IS entirely possible.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2008-07-22T14:15:00.009+08:00

Have anyone seen anything as beautiful as Samsung Omnia? I know I haven't. iPhone? Please, that little Apple doesn't mean come close to knocking The Omnia off its throne.

I mean, come on, with a name like Omnia, how can you ever doubt that it's anything but Omnipotent? I exaggerate? Perhaps. But I have always liked Samsung's products, especially their mobile phones. Their designs are always cool and somehow, the phonemakers always managed to read my mind (like when I want a thin slider with great camera, they gave me Ultra 12.9).

Omnia reminds me a little of Wu Chun.

Both make me want to get my hands on them and hide them so no one else can get their grubby little hands on them!!! Of course, they'r both gorgeous and means business. They're out to conquer the world, man!

But before that, they've already conquered this little woman... and that's half the battle won. Haha...

Seriously, maybe I'll get the phone next month. I mean, although I have 1.5 years more to my Singtel contract, I apparently still have the option of signing another 2 years with them. I guess with the number portability they'll want to trap you for as long as they can. I don't mind that much... just quit sending me all those annoying reminders to get me to pay phone bills!

I just have really, really bad memory ok?!

That said, let's move on to 2 movies I caught over the weekend:

The Dark Knight

HellBoy II

Obviously, The Dark Knight beats its competition, but were you expecting any less? Granted, HellBoy is in a completely different league. It's not the emotional roller coaster that Dark Knight is, but it's fun - like how The Haunted House in an amusement park is fun.

Whereas Dark Knight is twisted and macabre, thanks to Heath Ledger's chilling portrayal of Joker. Much has been said about his performance and they're all much more than I could say, so I shall keep my peace.

What shocked me was Batman's choice when the chips were down. I guess being a Superhero means being unselfish. That's why being their chick sucks bigtime. So, no. I don't want to date the Batman, even if he is played by a very ripped, tortured and gorgeous Christian Bale. Not if it meant that I have to face down the psychotic Joker and other assorted super villians. I'm too scaredy-cat for that.

Right now, I'll rather snuggle up with fellow Singaporean and (unintentionally) hilarious Million Star contestant, Wong Jinglun. I'll leave you now with another amazing performance by The One with the Golden Voice.

I'm charmed

2008-07-16T14:08:00.006+08:00

I have to say that I'm totally charmed by the efforts of one Singaporean boy attempting to break into the Taiwanese music scene through the humongously successful Million Dollar Star.

Granted he's not exceptionally good-looking, but he's so earnest that you can't help rooting for him. It's kind of like the Forest Gump thing, really.

Like the fictional Guo Jing in Jin Yong's classic Legend of the Condor Heroes, Huang Jing Lun is a blockhead. And I don't mean it in the degradatory sense. Host of the show likened him to the 40-year-old virgin played by Steve Carrell (she was referring to his dancing) and I have to agree. It was painful to watch him dance, but strangely, you can't look away. And at the end of it, you realize that you are part grimacing and part smiling at his desperate effort.

I feel precisely the same way towards my 3-yr-old Maltese... and babies. I feel weak in the knees and giggly... as I would if I saw a really hunky guy, so I guess Huang's tactic worked, to a certain extent of course.

Which sets me thinking:
If he was a girl, would the guys be charmed by the bumbling, awkward, shy girl act?

2008-06-16T23:13:00.003+08:00

I feel more tired than I ever felt in a long time.

Tired of the same old routine, of waking at 6am, of doing worker bees' work, of being at the lowest of the food chain when I should be a mid-level executive at the grand old age of 25.

I always thought that being in your mid-20s is a big deal, you know? But turns out that there is nothing special. I still don't qualify for a credit card and still do not have a single cent to my name. I own no Gucci or Prada, despite my best intentions and have not even managed to embark on a single relationship.

If that is not failure, I don't know what else qualifies.

When I was younger, I feared being one of the mundanes. But now, I AM ONE OF THEM.

2008-06-14T00:45:00.004+08:00

It's been a while and June seems to be a month of change.

First, i've joined a gym and have gone about three times so far. It's quite interesting at the moment and I feel healthier. I watch my diet a bit more carefully now, especially when I think of those agonizing minutes on the treadmill.

I really don't know why people put themselves through the exercises... wait, actually, I do. When I'm on the treadmill, I forget. I forget the emptiness of my life and how hollow I feel.

Minutes slipped by painfully slow and it hurts to breathe so much that nothing else matters. Maybe that's what's so attractive about it. Maybe it can offer the same addiction drama series offer.

Anyway, the myth about exercising releasing endorphines into your system and making you happier? Bullshit.

I feel crappy. I feel exhuasted.

I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of falling into an endless pit, like a misstep will lead to my doom. It's been 10 months and 5 days since I joined the company and I think I'm approaching the use-by date of the job. Honestly, I have learnt some interesting aspects of marketing from this job. Data analysis, budget planning, coordination with ad & media agencies, sponsorship management, secretarial duties... I've done almost everything.

But I'm not satisfied. I don't feel the fulfillment. Maybe I'm seeking fulfillment from the wrong places. Maybe it's not job satisfaction I'm looking for after all. Maybe I'm just looking for a place where I can belong.

But you know what? I can't find it.

I don't know where to start looking or how. Or who. What do I want? Does it even exist? How do you find something, when you don't even know what you're looking for?

Nowadays, I wake in the morning and drift through the day. For many, many months, I haven't felt my heart dance in my chest and I crave to feel it again.

I want to fall in love again, to experience the crazy little thing called Love. Perhaps my heart will get trampled on, but surely that would be better than this suspended state of animation I am currently in.

Bloody hell; I need to fall in love again!

2008-05-26T18:13:00.002+08:00

I just saw parts of the trailer for Twilight, one of my most anticipated for 2008. I'm all jittery after reading that the release date would be this year (albeit in December), but the trailer generated a vague sense of... dare I say it?

Disappointment.

There, I've said it.

Edward is totally not what I pictured him to be. I really think that it was a bad casting choice for the actor. He looks stiff (sucky pun, hahaha...) in the trailer, worse than I imagined.

But you know what? Luckily for him, I love Stephenie Meyer enough to coerce people I know into watching. I'd probably hate it, like how I completely loathed Eragon, but I'll still watch it cos my favorite author deserves the support (even if the bad casting does not).

More pictures at http://photos.latimes.com/backlot/gallery/twilight
Trailer at http://twilightthemovie.com/

Oh, btw, I love the tag

When you can live forever, what do you live for?

Sweet (probably what Edward would say if he can taste Bella's blood)!!

2008-05-21T09:11:00.005+08:00

People I care about

Aa-won the bitchy teddy bear ASS-istant editor.

Sha-won the always smiling mahjong queen

Mel the grave robber {break kam-ching...}

Elsie the cradle snatcher

Alvin the Looi-maker

Museli the erm, dog

People I miss

The psychotic duo, Beasts from the east

These two are menaces, especially when placed together. They make people go insane - with laughter, that is. Actually, I miss the laughter more than I miss you two!

Him

Actually, I don't miss him all that much. I'm not just saying it, I mean it. Thanks for being a pleasant memory, though I certainly didn't think so three years ago. I've learnt so much from him, how to give without expectation of returns, how to deal with disappointment and finally, how to let out. Those weren't easy lessons to learn and they took a while. But I learnt and I don't regret it. Now I can look back at those memories (however preciously few there were) without bitterness.

2008-05-16T15:14:00.010+08:00

Finally, I'm putting up some pictures. I figured that since Aaron and Sharon already cornered the Facebook market, I should go elsewhere and post our pictorial.

We spent 8 days 7 nights together and discovered some rather interesting things about each other. I discovered some things about myself as well, like how bad tempered I can be when I don't have a familiar bed to come home to. But thank God for good friends like these two...

Honestly, ever since the new job and the constant hanging out with The Rons, I've felt... less lost and empty. Like, it wasn't bad not being in a relationship. They fill my life and I'm actually content. I feel blessed and blissful that I have them, and I love them, warts and all cos I know they love me too.

(Hold the mushiness you say, but who's asking you?)

I once doubted my ability to love, that I could possibly be too selfish to love someone whole-heartedly. I still think I'm too selfish, but I don't think that blocks me from loving my family and friends.

Of course, there were times I wanted to strangle those who I love, but don't we all have these moments? It doesn't mean I care any less about them.

But judging from my severely limited circle of beloved, I may not be emotionally handicapped, but my love is most definitely Limited Edition. So, that said, anyone else wants my love before it runs out?

Singapore Changi Airport-> Taipei, Keyman Hotel-> Shida Night Market

On the way to Taiwan, oh the excitement!

Keyman Hotel, where we put up for 5 days.

Our lovely hotel room, big enough to house 3, but no shower curtains in the bath...

First stop: Shida Night Market, Bubble Tea

Yes! We got the drinks!

Oooh... what are these? *drools*

When in doubt, queue!!!

Who says there is nothing to do while you wait? You can eat... some exotic Taiwanese rice snack, roughly translated as 'Pig's Blood Glutinous Rice'.

And you eat some more! Hawaii Cre-pe~ Yum!

Proof: I'm not the only glutton around.

More proof. Hahaha...

What's he doing with the ball?

Who farted?! Oh, it's just smelly tofu...

The Host & The Legend

2008-05-12T12:19:00.007+08:00

I came back from Taiwan just 2 weekends ago and have dove right back into the thick of things. Of course, coming back from the trip means that I'm poorer (naturally), but not poor enough to haul back a stack of novels. The reason for the expedition to the book store is the release of one of my favourite writers' latest offerings: The Host.

Contrary to what Sharon claims, it is not a book about hosting parties. Neither is it about hunks serving lonely rich socialites.

Far from it, it is in fact, a science fiction novel set in the distant future where earth has been invaded by aliens who occupy human bodies (obliterating the person's original consciousness). But they do so because humans are cruel and violent and are killing themselves. The aliens are peace-loving and seek to save us from ourselves (and kill us in the process, go figure).

What do I think about it? It coaxed tears out of me, so it was good that way. I like Meyer's writing style and she didn't bore me. At first, I thought the story meandered a bit, but in retrospect, it didn't. Every scene seems to come together to form a very detailed picture and I feel the characters' pain. Maybe not Jared's (ok, maybe just a little at the end), but Ian's, Jamie's, Melanie's, and most of all, Wanderer's were brilliant in its simplicity.

I like how she handled Ian's character, much more than Jared's. In a way, Jared and Melanie remained me of Bella and Edward, except Bella's not so... angry and suspicious. But the relationship between J & M is almost exactly like B & E, no joke! Love at first sight and all...

And strange how I can relate to Wanderer/Melanie's maternal feelings for Jamie. Is the biological clock ticking?

Right after I finished with the book, I grabbed the Korean DVDs off my shelf and started watching. I bought it last Sunday, caving my impulse (I tend to do that a lot) to watch Bae Yong Joon in Korean fantasy/period drama. I've been through 16 eps and I'm hooked.

It is a rather interesting setup (love-triangle, boy proving his worth & compassion) and I like the female lead, Lee Ji-ah.

The Modern Lee Ji-ah

Lee Ji-ah as Se-o

Even Bae Yong Joon manages to look pretty awesome here!

Together they are couple of the year:

Right now, I'm wishing I can go on home and watch another 4 eps of the show. It's not compelling, but my curiosity is relentless. I need to know!

Yeah, yeah, I know, I live in the fictional world too much. But it's just too dang exciting to give up!

2008-04-25T11:16:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow this time, I'll be in DFS, happily shopping. Or perhaps I would be having brunch. Warm, fuzzy thoughts, those. Except they include spending money that I don't have yet. Sucks bigtime to constantly worry about money. How would it feel to have so much dough that you never have to worry about the cost of things that you want?

I don't think I'll ever know in this lifetime.

That aside, I'm actually feeling quite calm about flying off tomorrow, like it hasn't yet sunk in that I'll actually be in Taipei at 6pm tomorrow. Wow.

What would it be like?

I remember my trip to US has been quite... a culture shock at first. But since I had Elsie, I wasn't actually all that worried. I think she was actually scared stiff, wondering what she had gotten herself into, traveling to US with a girl who's barely cleared 21.

That must have been pretty unnerving. But heck, we survived, didn't we?

(INTERLUDE)

Boss just brought a colleague out for lunch for its secretary week. Pardon me for being puzzled.

Why is she the secretary and I'm still doing his shit (and minutes, pouring of drinks, etc...)? The unfairness of it all!

And I absolutely detest doing mundane stuff! God! Ughhhhh!!!

(END OF INTERLUDE)

So now I've finally fulfilled one of my aims set out earlier this year: the Taiwan and & Japan trip. Note to self: better start saving for your Japan trip next year. I really don't want to end up without spending money there. The clothes and stuff are supposed to be beautiful and irresistible.

And seriously, I have got to lose weight. Been piling it on like nobody's business and the trip to Taiwan will definitely not help matters. Sigh...

2008-03-31T22:47:00.005+08:00

In the third month of 2008, I finished watching 2 Korean dramas that are absolutely fan-ta-bulous.

I started with New Heart first, since it had finished its run by the time I got around to watching it. I wanted to save the hassle of waiting for the episodes to come out and only watched when I had the entire series. Turned out to be a wise decision, especially for the second series, Hong Gil Dong.

I'll try not to make comparisons, but if I really have to, Hong Gil Dong shows a depth that have been lacking in recent series. Let's put aside the fact that this series is by the Hong sisters who gave us My Girl (yet another of my favorite) and Sassy Girl Chun Hyun. I think they actually outdid themselves with the richness of each character, right down to even the supporting roles.

I won't talk about the relationship between the 3 leads because what fascinated me the most was the father-son relationship between Hong and his father. The way Hong's father's character was written, I hadn't expect to empathize with him, but he won me over in the end. I could understand, even if I couldn't forgive his actions.

In another world, he would be lauded for his loyalty.

Actually, I do laud him for his loyalty. He did what he thought was right and left no room for regrets. I think he couldn't allow himself to regret for that would mean that he had lived his life in vain. A man as proud as him would never admit he was wrong... besides, the entire country had suffered for his mistakes, so how could he admit?

But I believed that in his heart, he knew that though his intentions were honorable, things had turned horribly awry. Every step of the way he seeked to redress the wrong, but ended up committing more evil. But in the end, he redeemed himself. How many actually have his courage?

And the King. A tragic figure.

Actually, come to think of it, every single character in the show is a tragic figure twisted around fate's pinkie.

It's been a while since a story touched me this deeply. It reminded me again of the magic of imagination.

The tears may dry and the feelings evaporate, but the emotions Hong Gil Dong has stirred in me did its job - reminding me why I love to create worlds that few people see.

Thank you.

2008-03-19T08:24:00.004+08:00

The latest album from Jasmine/Fish Leong is fantastic. On repeat on my player is a song by fellow Malaysian singer-song writer, 宇恒.

会呼吸的痛
作词：姚若龙　作曲：宇恒

在东京铁塔　第一次眺望
看灯火模仿　坠落的星光
我终於到达　但却更悲伤
一个人完成　我们的梦想

你总说　时间还很多　你可以等我
以前我不懂得　未必明天　就有以后

想念是会呼吸的痛　它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛　看你的信会痛　连沈默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛　它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛　恨不懂你会痛　想见不能见最痛

没看你脸上　张扬过哀伤
那是种多么　寂寞的倔强
你拆了城墙　让我去流浪
在原地等我　把自己捆绑

你没说　你也会软弱　需要依赖我
我就装不晓得　自由移动　自我地过

我发誓不再说谎了　多爱你就会抱你多紧的
我的微笑都假了　灵魂像飘浮著　你在就好了

我发誓不让你等候　陪你做想做的无论什么
我越来越像贝壳　怕心被人触碰　你回来那就好了

能重来那就好了

Generally speaking, I think lyrics from the past are more descriptive and easier to understand. They speak to the masses. Now... let's just say that at times I scratch my head over 方文山's lyrics. Especially 青花瓷, can anyone say 'cheem'?

Anyway, I think that 方文山 is an amazing lyricist regardless.

But I'm currently more enamoured of 宇恒. She's one talented lady and can sing pretty well, so I really can't understand why she's not gaining popularity like say, Cheer Chen. Just like my dear Kenji Wu. Although he's doing quite well now, I think he can do better.

I heard his song over the radio yesterday and was a tad disappointed. 将军令 was a fantastic album, his best to date, I dare say. But if the one song I heard is indicative of his new album, I have to say that I'm not surprised. It sounds very Kenji.

Familiarity breeds contempt. Jay Chou suffered the backlash and I hope dear Kenji, my favoritest male singer, can escape the same fate.

2008-03-18T08:46:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I forget how lucky I am.

This is why I read the news. It never fails to serve up a good dose of Harsh Reality, which will kick me in the face and remind me why I should thank God instead of lamenting about things that I don't have, but want desperately.

Of course, when I feel in need of some self-pity, it's a matter of surfing over to Dawn Yang's blog or some hot starlet's and gaze upon their porcelain perfectness and the crushing wave of jealousy would sustain me for weeks to come.

What is it with humans and comparisons? Why do I feel the need to constantly measure myself against both possible and impossible meters? Then again, what is so different between me and say, Paris Hilton? (Ans: One's a slut and the other is not.) But seriously. She's just luckier... or perhaps I am (I'm not the one with the sex tape floating around). All the constant judgement is so tiring.

Why can't we accept that we are different? Is it a good thing to be gorgeous? Or rich? Or famous? We put stock in the least important things. What is beauty without kindness? What good does your money do if you're going to hoard it or makes you constantly doubt others' intentions towards you? What good is fame when, in the depths of the night, you find loneliness your only bedmate?

Perhaps I do not need beauty, fame or richness.

Perhaps I have been waiting for the wrong train after all.

2008-03-14T08:54:00.002+08:00

I suppose it's great that The Deathly Hallows will be showed in its [almost] entirety. But forgive the cynical streak in me, I can't buy the bullshit that the decision to split the final movie into a 2-parter is purely for creative reasons. The studio backing this picture is obviously already counting the dollars that will pour in.

For me, I don't care what the reasons behind it all. I only know that I'm going to have 2 movies to anticipate in 2010 and 2011. I'll be 27. O-kay...

Despite working only 4 days this week, I'm tired. So freaking tired.

Sharon insisted that I have to play overnight mahjong with them. And this is after I tell myself that I'm taking a break this week. Oh well, they have always come through for me, esp. Jolyn. So I should return the favor, show my appreciation. I dearly hope that I can find time to skip home and change my eyewear later.

Judging by the no. of sticks they smoke, my eyes will not last the night and this is my last pair of contacts till end of the month. Why do I lead such a boring life? It's either mahjong or I stay home. Shouldn't a girl my age be out enjoying her youth?

I'm living my old age way before my time.

2008-03-10T16:19:00.002+08:00

Almost every Saturday since CNY, I have been playing mahjong. Does that make me an addict? Mom certainly seems to think so.

I've won some... and lost more. But the bottomline is that I'm happy when I play. Oh alright, I admit that I feel like crap if I'm losing (which is more often than not), but that's quickly forgotten when the itch sets in.

When you got to mahjong, you mahjong. Except with Mel.

Out of consideration for our already tumultuous friendship, I should not further shake things up with mahjong.

Now Mel... I haven't intended to blog about our friendship, but since I've already mentioned her. I admit that I have a love-hate thing going on here. She's a fun person and I enjoy talking to her. Everytime we meet, I get reminded of just how much fun we used to have.

From Aaron's famous luncheons, where everyone from sch apparently wants to get invited to, to weekly boring anime screenings, which is actually an excuse for us to gorge on Aaron's pasta. We got fat together and those were the fun-boring days.

I used to envy her for having friends to go out clubbing with every weekend. I envied her luck with men, with jobs, with people. But I could never find any shred of resentment for her in my heart because she was always there for me.

Sometime last year, everything changed.

She broke up with Jem. Hung out 24/7 with her colleagues. Partied hard. Neglected friends.

It was obvious who was the priority and it clearly wasn't me. I felt hurt, but felt like a kid if I kicked up a fuss, though privately, I did.

I felt like I lost a precious friend.

Perhaps things were okay still, in a way. Because she was on MSN and we would talk online even if we couldn't meet. Then, she invited me to parties and, that little period of my life was the wildest I've ever been.

But what is wild to me couldn't be any tamer to someone like say, Dawn Yang. Or Gillian Chung. Or even Elsie. Probably not the last, but you get the drift. I caught a little glimpse of her life and can't say I enjoyed it all that much.

Then, she had her downs and I tried to be there for her, offering all that she has offered before: support, friendship, girltime.

That period of time is gone and she's busier than ever. We barely communicate at all and the last time I saw her was... last month, during CNY. All other plans to meet after that fell through.

Have I lost a friend? It definitely feels that way to me. But constantly working at maintaining any relationship without help from the other party is tiring. Actually, it has gotten to a point whereby it is awkward to see each other. I don't know what to say sometimes.

The comfort zone that belonged to us... no longer feels quite so comfortable.

2008-03-03T10:03:00.002+08:00

That was a scene from my roadshow at Suntec over the weekend. Turnout was great, but sales wasn't. We sold only 10 cars the 4 days we were there...

Anyway, I was lounging at home over the weekend (after an intensive MJ session at Sharon's colleagues' place where I once again got butchered) and totally forgot that I had a teardown to go to at 11pm! I ambled into my room at 10.45pm and saw a missed call from my dear colleague and still wondered why he called.

Then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks.

Trust me, the revelation hurts like a bitch. Anyway, I didn't go and I'm worrying about my apprisal in June. Worrywart? Don't think so... my boss is a scorpion and we all know what that means.

Hey! I'm a scorpion too, so I only know too well.

*sighs dejectedly*

Yet another revelation hit me on the way to work this morning. I don't want to be in a relationship. I wondered why it took me so long to understand myself. I'm in love with the idea of love, but I don't deal so well with real men. They are always... lacking in some aspects. I can't deal with their flaws.

Bloody hell, I can't even deal with my flaws! How do I handle this? I don't know. It isn't wrong to want to be single and alone, is it? I'm not lonely, though it gets boring sometimes. I just... dislike dealing with all these issues. It is easier to just be by yourself sometimes.

2008-02-29T08:56:00.003+08:00

Men are such hypocrites.

In the aftermath of the Leaked Photos brouhaha, the girls are determined to be sluts and had weddings called off or is facing possible separation.

I think that this is grossly unjust. These girls have been dealt a terrible blow by the distribution of the photos. These men, who had loved them enough to want to marry them, are abandoning them in their time of need.

What exactly is shameful about their behaviour? Is it because she refuses to give her would-be husband a blowjob? Or because she told him she was a virgin and the photos exposed her lies? Or did she not react as... eagerly as the photos showed she could have?

Why do I have the feeling that it's because the entire world has seen her bush and therefore she is no longer good enough?

Or is it because there is no such thing as unconditional love?

2008-02-25T11:48:00.003+08:00

I'm excited over the live-action adaptation of one of my favourite books, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. However, the choice of the male lead left a lot to be desired. In my imagination, he is cuter than that.

What has got me waiting impatiently, is not the movie. After all, I already know what's going to happen in it. No, it's the final installment of the series that has me at the edge of my seat. Breaking Dawn will be released in September! That is 7 agonizing months away. Oh, how can I wait that long?

But I can have a little appetitizer in form of her new book, The Host. That retails in May, a mere 3 months away! By then, I would have come back from my exciting Taipei trip. Hopefully not yet broke.

And just as I'm on cloud 9 over having bought tickets to TPE, the bad news hits. I could have saved $146.50 if I just waited a few more days to buy. I really don't know who to curse though I have a pretty good idea who my travelling pals are cursing.

*bursts into tears*

2008-02-22T14:22:00.002+08:00

Talk is cheap.

Where did I get that sentiment? I don't know. I can't even remember who told me that little gem, but it's the one thing that hold true for as long as I can remember.

Promises are broken so easily and yet we continue to believe.

Words that are spoken casually by one might mean the world to another.

A person worth nothing to another might be the reason of my existence. So here I am, searching for that reason. Is it foolish to bank your reason for being on another person? Don't we all need a reason to cling on to life?

For some, its glory, status, wealth.

For others, its love, the idea of love.

For me, why do I continue to exist?

Because I can? Because I want? Because I do?

I'm not sure. I can't turn back and I'm afraid to veer off the well-trodden path, afraid of where it would lead me.

Was there a cliff awaiting me? A dead-end? Or perhaps A Secret Garden?

I look down at my feet, saturated with dust, but free from cuts and bruises and realised that I fear.

I fear the branches that would swipe at me, the claws and fangs in the wings awaiting fresh meat. Above all, I fear the jeering laughter that surely accompanies my downfall.

It is not in failure that I fear, that I despair. Expectations grip.

Uncertainty grows.

I falter.

And
Stop.

2008-02-21T08:45:00.004+08:00

And so today marks the official end to the lunar new year. Why do I know this? Because the company has kindly decided to dismiss us at 5pm instead of 6pm. Nice huh?

I made my 2nd biggest travel purchase in my life with my hard-earned money yesterday, this time to Taiwan. And because I'm poor, I'll have to travel with a budget airline. Still the ticket cost $526, inclusive of surcharges and taxes, as well as a $6 credit card processing fee.

.....................................

I feel cheated. What did they need to proceed? Isn't it enough that they are earning sky-high interests & annual subscription fees? Crap, it's no wonder we're always short of money. Bloody loansharks...

Anyway, after 2 letters of rejection from UOB and CitiBank (I hate you guys, just so you know) for a run-of-the-mill plantinum credit card, I've decided to try the Clear card with the limit of, WOW, $500.

Dead silence.

I totally understand, but it's not like I can afford any bloody big ticket purchase as this moment. Broke, you know, as in B-R-O-K-E. Yes, I could use a pay increment. Hell, anyone could use an increment.

Unless you're Aaron Lye, who's earning $3.6k after a fancy-pansy degree in Canada & 7 years of FREELANCE writing experience. So what if the freelance jobs came from BT-SPH? It's still freelance! And who told me journalism paid peanuts? Apparently that person was disinformed. Journalism paid soooo much more than marketing.

I can use a pay raise (are you listening out there, God/Boss?).

And yes, I'm in a whiny mood today. Bite me.

No, I'm not riding on the success(?) of the nude photos scandal. I'm wearing a tube!!

2008-02-19T10:04:00.002+08:00

My first big hull ever since I started playing mahjong. I think my gambling luck's not bad this year. Let's play more! Perhaps it's time I buy 4D... *ponders*

I was watching [Wish To See You Again], this new series by Vic of the F4 fame on the way to way and... I started tearing over over the sappy plot. It wasn't anything terribly tragic, just a flashback to the boys' schooldays and how they got to know each other. But something about their friendship got to me and the tears just wouldn't stop.

I think I just needed a good cry. Quick throw me a Winter Sonata-ish K-drama someone!

2008-02-14T09:13:00.002+08:00

It must be my period.

Constantly felt on the edge of tears these couple of days. No, I do not think it's because I don't have a date on Valentine's Day. And for the record, I do have a date - with Aaron and Sharon.

Back to my over-active tearducts. I just saw this piece of news and when I studied the photo that accompanied it more closely, I felt disturbed and explicably, an urge to shed a tear or two for the poor orang utan. Yes, I know how it sounds, but it is pretty sad.

Have a look at the alleged photo:

How do you swallow a picture of the poor orang utan dead from a broken neck, caused by the hanging noose and her mates' efforts to rescue her?

Is this shock factor or is this something more? Without the photo, I think I would think that it's a rather odd/bizarre story. But with the photo, it suddenly becomes a poignant tragedy. I'm not making sense, am I?

I'm aching all over, badly need a massage. Actually, I perpetually need a massage. *groans*

2008-02-11T15:09:00.001+08:00

CNY hols came and went. 5 whole days of rollicking fun gone in a blink, I'm definitely getting old fast. Before I know it, I'll probably be 52...

But let's not dwell on that.

The entire Chinese (and Cantonese) speaking world is abuzz with the latest celebrity scandal: amateur porn photos of certain female celebs and a certain roguish goodlooker who's less than well-endowed. I confess to having seen some of them and I think one of them definitely look high on something.

Seeing these celebs in the buff drives home the point that they are merely human and not the demi-god we seem to think they are.

The news definitely seem set to rock the world for some time.

2008-01-30T15:42:00.000+08:00

I'm exhausted...

Ok, that's stretching the truth, but I only slept 4 hrs last night! I have a right to be tired. And I didn't have coffee, sorely missing the caffeine in my system. I think I'm fast becoming a coffee addict.

Actually, I just wanted to say that I was pretty happy yesterday. *grin grin* Amazing how a few smses can brighten my day... I think it's been eons since I felt that way.

I think the trick is to keep looking on the bright side (but stop short of being delusional). I am looking for the bright spots and hoping for the best, yet trying desperately not to think/read too much into anything. I think that he has trained me quite well over the last year cos I've been able to not brood over when/whether he will contact me. Seriously, I just got to relax!

Anyway, the launch was pretty fine, but it feels like the kind of thing I can do with my eyes closed. The dissatisfied feeling is slowly, but surely growing. I'm excited to see what 2008 has in store for me. 2007 was pretty dramatic, with me battling the AGOP monster, crawling back to RBE for a short stint and then landing a job with MMS. So what new, exciting things will 2008 herald? Can't wait to find out, but I don't want time to pass time too fast either!

2008-01-28T09:19:00.000+08:00

It is difficult to believe that I'll be graduating after I submit this final (crap) essay.

Where did the past 1.5 years go? It was just yesterday that I enrolled in this course, just yesterday that I met my groupmates, Shahril and Amarpal. Just yesterday that I teased Jeremy and got slightly more acquainted with Farand.

The next time I meet them (excluding Jem, but if he continues to be so absorbed with his peanut butter, he might be included) again, we'll probably all be gripping our bachelor degree tightly in our hands. It's an interesting scenerio and somewhat drives home the point that I'm kind of... well, old now.

After ribbing Aaron for being a quarter of a century old for the past few years, I'm finally getting my just desserts. I am approaching that fearsome number with too much speed. I try not to think about what I have achieved these past 25 years. I am will aware of the fact that I have not been a particularly 1. nice, 2. fillial, 3. shrewd person.

I have managed neither to squirrel away money for retirement, nor climb the corporate ladder. Crap. I have not even managed to rid myself of the zero in my life! Ok, let's not go into that bitter subject guaranteed to make me foam at the mouth.

New year, makes me think of new year resolutions... and fortune tellers. Last year, I managed to coerce sis into heading to the temple with me. Nothing fantastic came of it, not that I expected a life-changing experience. And then I headed off to Chinatown to buy, of all crappy stuff, peach blossoms. Then, there was this hilarious sight of one insane woman lugging stalks of peach blossoms, which coincidentally are much taller than her, in the MRT.

Crap~ This year, let's just settled for going to the temple, yeah?

2008-01-17T11:09:00.000+08:00

Mr and Mrs Looi's wedding was a smashing success - with the exception of a few hiccups. I must say that I'm quite a talented wedding coordinator, should definitely consider a career as a wedding planner.

Maybe I should offer to be Carol and Ee Ping's? Let me think on it.

Carole and Sharon were a huge help when I was hunting for a dress for the wedding. 2 days before the wedding, they ran around Orchard with me looking for the perfect dress and afterwards, gave me advice on how to jazz up the dress. Ee Ping even contributed his POV, which from what I gathered, was rare. Carol even loaned me her pearls! I really am grateful for her generosity and warm-heartedness. Now why can't I find such nice, normal colleagues?

Anyway, I have some photos of the big day, but have yet to upload cos I'm lazy and busy. And I can't seem to find the camera. My only regret is I forgot to take tonnes of pictures with the blissfully wedded couple. How can I forget? When you have to wake at 3am to get to the bride's house by 4am, then rush around with her, trying to remember to bring all the necessary accessories and stuff from her house to the groom's house, back to her house, then to hotel, and you can still remember to snap tonnes of pictures with the couple, I'd bow to your multi-tasking skills.

I shed a few tears during Alvin's thank-you speech cos I feel as if I'm marrying off my kids (yes, they are older than me, but hell, I am the one person who walked has been with them every step of the way!). Thankfully my mascara was powerful enough to withstand the onslaught of tears. All hail Skinfood's cosmetics~

The thing you would be most interested to know would probably be about YH and wife. While, I felt nothing when I saw them. Maybe a tinge of curiosity, but that's about it. Definitely no lingering feelings. I gave them a wide berth because there is no point in saying 'hi' really. There is nothing to say between us. I've finally laid the ghosts of the past to rest, which, trust me, I'm really glad for.

Can I move forward now? Yes. But I haven't felt very strongly towards anybody for the past 3 years. Do I look forward to another YH kind of emotional experience? Honestly, no. I like to think that I'm matured enough to be more rational when I fall in love again. But then again, love and rationality seem to be mutually-exclusive. At least for me it is.

But a girl can hope, can't she?

2008-01-10T15:51:00.000+08:00

Day before Elsie & Alvin's big day.

I'm totally wiped out. I need sleep, but doesn't look like I'll be getting enough tonight. Her makeup is at 4.30am. Can anyone say 'ungodly hour'? Getting married is so troublesome.

I managed to settle on a suitable dress, after spending a bomb on stuff that I don't really need. Complete waste of money. Damnit. How would I ever save enough for my TW trip in April. Bloody everlasting hell.

The joke is that after blowing so much money on dresses, shoes, blouse, vest... I decided on the cheapest dress I bought from Far East. Yes, I know sometimes I just asked for it. Gosh, as I type this, I'm falling asleep. How can I be in tip-top condition like that?

2008-01-08T14:45:00.000+08:00

I'm officially 24.

I don't like the sound of that, but I can't pretend I don't feel older. I think that changing jobs, getting a degree and getting your heart trampled on, tends to have a maturing effect. I don't know man, it could just be me.

My birthday was spent doing run-of-mill stuff. We went for a buffet at Royal Plaza on Scotts, where I absolutely stuff myself silly. Talk about guilty pleasure. It was my second time there and I think I can consider a third time there since it is pretty affordable given the range of food available. Right smack in Orchard too! I like!

Right after my birthday, I plunged into 2 weeks of intensive, gruelling school work. My second last module and a complete waste of time, may I add. Contemporary Pop Culture aka Gossip Rag Mag. We watched movie clips (we always watch movie clips!) and talk about Hollywood, Bollywood and East Asian Super Stars. Fun, but why am I doing this in my DEGREE course again?

Project was researching about Bruce Lee's influence and essay on fairy tales affecting today's culture. I love my course; my latest module just confirmed it. I'm studying New Communications Technology, for crying out loud. My lecturer filmed our introduction last night and asked us why we wanted to do this course and our answers are:

1. for survivial

2. shortest & cheapest way to degree

3. armtwist into taking it

4. need a ticket out of a deadend job

What a fun bunch my class is... I think they are running out of ideas on course subjects, yet unwilling to earn a few thousand dollars less off each student. Hence the crappy courses I'm taking now. Which makes me wonder if my degree will be all that recognised...

Anyway, I've rebonded my hair (byebye flyaways) and gotten an awesome nail job on my hands for Elsie's wedding in 3 days' time. Pretty exciting and I'm not even the one getting married! I freaking need a dress - Farand suggested a classy dress, for the dinner cos... yes, yes, because of him. But he really doesn't mean anything to me now, so why do I want to waste that kind of money?

He won't regret his decision, so it would be silly of me to get all worked up. But I still wanna look pretty cos I like looking pretty la! Haha...

2007-10-29T16:30:00.000+08:00

Okay now, I'm a bit obsessed over this 'handsome husband' thing. I have got to get it out of my mind!

But then again, I have also been watching K-dramas on SCV and been rooting for average-downright un-cute male leads. My mom thinks I've gone down the deep end, but what can I do when the cooler/smarter one is, ahem, not so cute?

Putting that aside, I'm counting down to the big day. I have absolutely no idea what to do yet, but I'll figure something out. There is seriously limited things one can do and if I don't want run of the mill stuff, I have got to plan it myself. Counting on friends... they're simply too lazy!

[cue killer glares at Mel, Aaron & Sharon]

I've been thinking of doing a photoshoot next month, or the month after. Can't rush this, I do need to lose some weight, polish up the skin, treatment on hair, etc... sounds like I'm planning a bridal shoot huh? But I'm not. I just want to get a nice studio photoshoot done when I'm *still* young. Before my mid-20s, so to say.

Cos you know, they say it will all slide from here-on.

[gulp]

First I stop popping as many pimples (don't know to laugh or cry over that), then the fine lines appear, the breasts droop... arghhhhhh... I'm gonna be OLD!!! Before I know it, I'm gonna be menopausing!

CRAP!!!

2007-10-26T02:07:00.000+08:00

Saw the palmist and it was interesting. She could tell I don't have a high self-esteem and I tend to obsess. So much so that I may push myself into depression. Huh. Yeah, dark thoughts do hover sometimes.

And I'll apparently have 3 children, 1 girl, 2 boys. Might miscarry the girl, so I'll have to take care... I want the girl! Baby, mummy loves you and will start taking care of herself so you can see the world!

Shit, maternal instincts kicking in already? I'm supposed to be married only in my late-20s to early-30s!

Oh and my husband should be a handsome, successful man who is generous, adores children and of course, me! But huge crisis will strike in my mid-30s, and we'll either work things out and have a smooth marriage till our 40s, or led separate lifes.

If it's the latter, I will apparently not lack for company. And finally, in my 50s, I'll meet the best man who will ever enter my life. He will be the light, joy and laughter of my last years. He'll love me unconditionally, take care of me and devote himself thoroughly. And I would meet him in my 40s, but start a relationship only in my 50s.

I'll lead a long life, we're talking past 60s here, which means I need to invest my CPF and get investment plans! I'll have the chance to travel overseas and live overseas for at least 2 years and the longest period will be up to 7 years, but I'll eventually come back still. What can I say? I love Singapore.

And, I'll be rich and successful in my career! Will be recognised for my work! Twice! I want monetary compensation. Fame's not bad too... and apparently, a star in my palm says that I would acquire some sort of status in my line of work. Huh.

I told Sharon she's looking at a future MP!

The most important part about my recent romance is this: I will be involved with a married/attached man for 2 years in my mid-20s. I have already met him. So guess who popped into my mind for a friendly visit? But now that I know, I will pre-empt it! So perhaps the huge crisis involving my handsome husband can be avoided. A few more years of marital bliss won't hurt. I have to think of my 3 beautiful kids right!

For the sake of my lovely future, I got to ensure that:

1. I don't go crazy
2. I don't jump into dead-end relationship with an unavailable man
3. I am healthy so I don't miscarry or suffer a long, drawn-out illness in my old age

2007-10-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

No freaking idea how I did it, but I managed to beat the system and passed my basic theory driving test on my 3rd attempt. Just in time as well since I more or less told myself that I'll not be taking it any time soon if I fail it again. Now I've just got to pass my advance theory and then pass my traffic police test within half a year.

Fat chance.

Anyway I have no means of getting a car so soon. I am in the red. Which is not something I like to think about. I have to repay 3.5k in 6 months, and another 7k in a year. In the midst of it, I have to save up 2k so I can go Japan for a holiday. Yay-ness.

Does that mean I can forget about eating, shopping and basically having a life? I wonder how I ever managed to survive on 1.3k a month. 24 years old and so heavily in debt. Well done, Alexis. Makes you wonder how I'll do in 10 years' time huh.

I'm having a quarter-life crisis even though I'm not quite 25 yet. But hell, I'm smelling the mid-20s and I'm panicking cos... well, we all know why, don't we? Hence, I did the really, really smart thing. Folks as enlightened as me would probably have done what I did: consult a fortune-teller.

Before we write this one off as a charlatan, I think we should give her the benefit of doubt. After all, there are some things that can't be explained by science. And even if she's a complete fraud, it'll be good entertainment. I just hope she doesn't tell me I'll end up in a nursing home or living alone surrounded by cats. If I wanted to hear that, I would just get my sister to tell me that. We'll see, the session is booked for Thursday.

Meanwhile, I have embarked on this grand scheme to lose weight. Today is day one and I jogged 2.4km in 22 mins. Leonard will so laugh at me. The target is 2.4km in 15 minutes. I'm sure I can meet that. Give me 2 weeks. Or 3, to be safe. The target weight is 45kg by Nov 6 and Aaron thinks it's an impossibility. I think so, but nothing is going to stop me from trying.

Current stats: 32-26-35. Arm:10; Thigh: 20.

Let's see how much I can lose in 2 weeks.

2007-10-19T18:54:00.000+08:00

I'm blogging from the office because the words are bursting out of me and I have got to get them out.

I don't understand. Seriously, I feel like I'm the guy, trying to understand the quicksilver moods of a girl. He says that he has no respect for girls who throw themselves at him despite knowing that her best friend is interested in him. He says he has no interest in someone who made use of his feelings for her. He says he sees me as his sister and will not violate my trust in him.

The next thing I know he is telling me that he is feeling restless and that he has been flirting with 2 girls for the past hour and... they are warming his bed this weekend.

To say I am shell-shocked is putting it lightly. What exactly transpired between 1pm to 5.30pm to make him change his tune? To the extent of asking me if I'll like to be one of his girls. This is a bright red stop sign shouting at me, if there ever was one. I should stop. Should flung the door in his face. Should do everything in my power to protect myself and stop this downward spiral.

I can do it because I have done it before. But... being the sucker I am, being the stupid, idealistic person that I am, I can't leave him. In my mind, I have already spun all sorts of excuses for him. My heart is aching for him. So how can I turn my back on him?

I dont know what is going on. Absolutely no idea. I can only wait.

After all, what else can I do?

2007-10-09T00:52:00.000+08:00

Time for yet another analogy.

I used to really, really like the Nissan March. I was so obsessed with it that I tortured myself for many months trying to figure out a way to own it.

A good friend of mine got sick of seeing me beat myself over a car that was more expensive than it was worth and thought to divert my attention with another car. And so I was introduced to a 2nd-hand Toyota Camry. Although it had a few knocks and scratches, but I saw the potential in it. It was well-maintained and with a bit of time in the workshop, it could do wonders...

My attention got successfully diverted. I lovingly cared for it and told the workshop men to take good care of it. I visited it whenever I could to ensure that it had the best care in the world. I thought that it was mine... then one day, the workshop called and told me that the owner of the car took it back. I didn't have rights to it because I had not signed on the dotted line. So I had pretty much fixed it up so its previous owner could reclaim it.

During that period, when I was madly in love with my Camry, Nissan told me that the March was on a special discount and it would have been mine to bring home at a much, much affordable rate. But then, I was convinced that the Camry was more suitable and the March got left behind... although I never stopped being attracted to the March.

And now, with the Camry a thing of the past (I would never, ever want a Camry again) and the Proton Savvy just got the boot, once again, the topic of the March came up.

True to form, its good looks has attracted my eye again. The more I look at it, the more pleasing it looks. 4 years ago, prior to facelift and upgrades, it looks attractive. 4 years on, with a new body and specs, I am still attracted to the essence of it.

But... will it fit my lifestyle? Will it acommodate me or will it cramp my lifestyle? I have no idea and there is certainly no use thinking about it seeing as how I can't afford a car right now. Unless I get lucky and score it in a draw.

Or strike the lottery.

Perhaps.

2007-09-29T00:53:00.001+08:00

Cars to die for

The New Mazda2

Mitsubishi I

Suzuki Swift

And if I ever strike lottery, I would buy:

My ultimate dream, the object of my desire... Volkswagen Beetle. Preferably in red or green.

2007-09-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

Just like that, it's been 2 months since I started working again. Time flies, despite having to be at work at 8.15am sharp everyday. I'm used to rolling out of bed before Mister Sun does and wrapping myself up in my green blanket at work to keep from freezing to death.

What I cannot get used to is not having to go through 10-20 items on my to-do list everyday. Everything progresses at a leisurely pace - at least it is that way for me. I'm sure some of my colleagues would beg to differ. I'm learning new things everyday from my manager and colleagues.

Ren is mad about cars and he delights in telling people about his passion. All I know about cars, I learnt from him.

Philip loves cars too, but 10 years with the company is not a joke. He knows the industry inside out and outside in, don't even attempt to fool or pretend to know more than he does. Because you don't.

And of course there are other colleagues, but... that's another story.

Work aside, I think I am a horrid person. To be more precise, I'm a selfish, self-serving person.

Sometimes, it is impossible to reconcile reality with your... daydreams. You may think you want something, is ready for something and can accept someone. But you can't control your heart or your feelings.

It's like telling yourself you want to buy a car. You know you can afford a Kia Picanto or perhaps a Mitsubishi I, but not the Volkswagen Beetle. However, your heart's desire is the Beetle, what do you do? You know it's just not possible, so you tell yourself to settle.

The salesman then try to tell you that the Proton Savvy, which you definitely are not considering in the first place. But you think, it is a car and you wanted a car... so you convince yourself to test drive it. But you end up feeling disgruntled - something just isn't right.

But the more you think about it, the more you wonder why you can't accept it. After all, it is a car and serves its purpose of bringing you from point A to point B. So what if it doesn't look as cool as a Beetle? Maybe after driving it for a while, you might like it? The idea of zipping around in a car is simply too hard to resist...

So you go for the second test drive and somehow convinced yourself to pay a deposit for it... then regrets, doubts set in. Why oh why? There are so many things wrong with it - you don't like the way it looks, there is that weird sound it makes when starting up, it doesn't have controls on the steering wheels, nor 6 airbags, nor keyless entry... And then you decide to forgo the deposit and not buy.

Not until you can find a car you really, really like and can afford.

What I am trying to say is: I'm sorry I toyed around with the idea of buying a car I know is not suitable for me. I really want a car, but until I clear some hurdles (like passing my basic theory) and find a car that suits me, I cannot commit to just any car.

The above is just an analogy.

2007-08-22T20:46:00.000+08:00

I'm completely pissed off at the moment. I'm surprised that steam isn't coming out of my ears right now.

It really doesn't pay to care too much. Maybe there is some truth to being hedonistic, maybe, just maybe I wouldn't be bothered so much about what people feel, think or do. It sucks when people you care about misinterpret your good intentions. It bothers me when I don't get to voice my views.

All I'm asking is some time and tolerance from people who are supposed to love me. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently so!

I was on the bus, on the way home a few hours ago when a thought struck me from out of nowhere. It wasn't the first time I'm having this thought: I don't want to have kids. What if they turn out to be like my sister?

She is unmanageable. So much so that we would like to murder her in her sleep - figuratively, of course. I wonder if I had ever been that rebellious. Perhaps I was too much of a coward to rebel so completely. If Lucifer had a form, it was surely her - though she lacks his much lauded charisma.

This year alone, Lord only knows how many exams/classes she has skipped, not to mention last year. She got into a spot of trouble last year and did not attend school for a few months. And our education system, the same one developed countries like US and Europe region oohed and aahed over, still passed her and moved her up to the next grade. I wonder how they figured she can pass her Sec 3 exams when she failed her Sec 2 ones. And I wonder why they did not downgrade her to NT so she can at least catch up.

Don't get me wrong, I don't look down NT students. I think everyone has their own place in life. But the fact is, in Singapore, if you're not enterprising, then you sure as hell better have an education. I am as un-enterprising as they come, which explains the degree.

And this younger sister of mine? Well, if you call playing online games and chatting all day enterprising, then she can quit school right about now.

I don't know what to do with her. It is her life. She wants to throw it away, who am I to stand in her way? Maybe I'm making too much of a fuss. Maybe there are bigger things out there for her than getting an education. If so, perhaps she should start looking for that bigger thing now and quit wasting everyone's time, energy and concern.

2007-08-20T23:29:00.000+08:00

为什么这篇会是用华文写的呢？刚想到的时候自己也有点犹豫，因为知道自己的华文表达能力非常有限，但是最终，就象你看到的，我还是选择挑战极限。

本来我写的这些心情点滴都不打算和谁分享。只是想有个发泄的空间还蛮不错的，所以就开始写了，到现在已经有一段日子了。有很多时候我都在埋怨活着很辛苦，有时真的很想放弃。可是我可以吗？

不知道从什么时候开始，我觉得自己的生活那么无趣又一成不变。这种感觉让我害怕。我要的人生不是这样的。可是，能得到的就仅仅这样而已吗？

我好想知道答案，又怕知道了会承受不了。我被这矛盾搞糊涂了。我也厌倦了等待。我好像已经等了好久好久，就是等不到我上台的时间。到底我会有登台的机会吗？还是我就得这样过完一生。

我想当焰火，拥有一霎那的永恒，璀璨耀眼的人生。哪怕只是一瞬间的发光，也比现在的一成不变好吧？

2007-08-19T02:51:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I'll sit and wonder where my life is heading and where this will all end. At times like these, it's hard to rein in my thoughts and focus on the now.

Truth is, like so many others, I don't know why I'm doing what I am and I don't know what it is really I want. When I was younger, sure, I had dreams. I wanted to be a writer. To share my stories with the world. To produce them into movies/series and hopefully earn some money in the process. Of course, there is the mandatory celebrity dream, but I didn't dwell to much on it - or so I hope.

Yet now, here I am, in an industry I know nuts about and have zero passion for. But marketing is what I want to do (or at least I think so). So here I am. Working with aunties, ah bengs and ah lians. And the boss's daughter, Alvin rich campmate and... well, I don't really know how to describe him. 2 weeks into the job and I'm thinking of how long I can stay before leaving.

But the problem is, is there really a geener pasture? Where will I be happy? I've been to so many places and yet, I haven't been able to find my niche. Why? Am I trying too hard to make my career the main focus of my life? But let's be honest here: what do I have besides my work? None of my friends needs me. I feel like I'm imposing on Elsie and Alvin whenever I go out with them. Lately, I haven't feel like seeing any of them. I just want to escape from everyone and just be by myself.

I scare myself when I feel like this and I do try my best to repress these reclusive thoughts. The fact that I still make it to work everyday proves that these thoughts haven't conquered me yet. I was chatting with Farand just now when he gave me a ride home and he said something that struck me. He said that career shouldn't be a person's life. There are other priorities.

It is obvious what his priorities are (family, church). And mine? Maybe I'm confused and lost because I don't have mine right. From the onset, family hadn't been my priority. Neither are friends. I'm always looking out for number one. Perhaps that is the real reason for this general feeling of dissatisfaction. It is time to find another more meaningful focus. 23 years and 9 months of self-absorption should suffice.

Perhaps when I really start to look beyond myself can I really be able to open my heart to someone else.

2007-08-17T00:28:00.000+08:00

I get into certain moods and it makes me want to do certain things - certain impossible things, to be precise.

Like now, I want to get a car when:
1) I don't have the money
2) I haven't got a licence and considering that I've failed my BASIC THEORY TWICE
I really shouldn't be considering buying a car.

Yeah, it all stems from, I suspect, my boring, never-changing life. My dress sense might have changed, the acne might have cleared up and thanks to gift's gift to women - cosmetics, not chocolates, I've managed to make myself look pretty presentable. No way near gorgeous, mind you, but presentable.

But inside, I'm still the same old me. I still can't keep my room tidy to save my life, looks like a total wreck when I'm at home and quite simply, a nerd. I'm a nerd and a boring person and that is something I can't hide from the people closest to me, which so far means only my family members. No one else has seen past the surface gloss. Maybe I didn't let them, maybe it's just not done.

I know I'm a person who needs a strong shoulder to rely on. Yet, I have a tendency to push away helping hands. I can't help throwing up a wall in front of people I like/admire/respect because I don't want their pity. I guess it's a pride thing. So I need help, yet I refuse to admit it to others, where does this leave me?

Pretty much stuck in a rut, aren't I? I have absolutely no idea how to dig myself out. Sometime today, I asked myself, so what is it about me that will attract others to me? My bubbly personality, brilliant wit, irresistible charisma?

I'm nowhere as pretty as Kara, caring as Sharon, friendly as Elsie, shameless, oh, alright, humourous as Jeremy. I'm not talented like Aaron or Sana. I'm just... me. A little arrogant, a little shy, a little crazy and a little scared of being judged. So how can someone like me ever be liked by anyone?

Will there ever be anyone for me? Ever?

When will he appear?

2007-08-13T00:22:00.001+08:00

Food consumption was high this whole week because I'm constantly hungry. I have no idea where this gluttonous side emerged from, but there you are, I am simply ravenous ALL THE TIME.

I think I just might have hit and gone way beyond 50kg - not that I dare confirm that fact.

Work is slowly picking up speed and I'm also slowly adapting to life there. I think that everyone is pretty nice and there are almost zilch politics. I mean, when you're working with the daughter of the boss and someone who has been there for 10 years, it would most certainly mean that no one dares touch you cos:

1. You're more junior than a peanut,
2. Your workscope doesn't overlap with theirs and they have 0 interest in your position.

So I guess I got lucky again. But its still too early to be so optimistic. Considering how well AGOP started out, I'm reserving my judgement this time so I don't have to eat my words again. I am already FAT you know...

What else can I blog about? Oh, the tattoo? I think I definitely need a touch up cos the colour got all faded! I don't know why, but I developed a reaction to the cream he gave me and I had to use aloe vera gel instead. Maybe it has some kind of chemical reaction. The tattoo still looks reddish and the area is itchy at times. I think I should be worried, but I'll wait a few more days cos it could be all the seafood I'm consuming.

And the major news: I won $2 playing mahjong on Saturday. That is something to shout about because of my previous luck with mahjong, I always lose you see. So to win this time is something!

Tomorrow is work again and... I have mixed feelings about it. Not excited, but don't dread it that much. I guess it's normal to feel sian about going to work since I do have to work at 6am (the sky's not even light yet!) and I so hate waking up early. Oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do to earn a living!

2007-08-08T00:07:00.000+08:00

So I crashed at 11pm last night and still managed to nod off during work today. I really didn't mean too! But my eyelids wouldn't listen to me. You know what they say about the will and the flesh and all that. But luckily, despite a heavy (and sumptuous) lunch at Ritz Carlton courtesy of Classifieds, I managed not to fall asleep.

Maybe that's cos I've got focus in the afternoon. And there's also the fact that we went out for 3 hours! Yes, lunch took that long, to think they said lunch is 57 minutes. Guess that rule doesn't apply when you're at lunch with Da Boss.

And after yesterday's RX8, I had fun riding the MX5 (with the top down, no less!) and the 3, 5 and 6. I got to fiddle with the moonroof for the 5 and I'm pretty happy. Pity I missed out on the 7, but what's a SUV compared to a roadster right? I mean, 3 sports cars in 2 days seem like a pretty good statistic to me, don't you think?

First day of work was ultra boring, what with the product training with the salespeople and awkward lunch with the department. Today was better. I guess I felt less nervy and a lot more friendlier. I discovered that the lady who sat across from me to be a huge source of information - sometimes too much. But I've gotta be grateful to have a guide, so I'm not gonna complain.

Tomorrow there'll be no more free lunches, so it's the day of reckoning. Should I have lunch with the rest of the department or should I deviate? Part of me wants to deviate, but part of me wnats to stay with the department. After all, it would be good to strengthen relations within the department right? And what's better than having the boss's daughter, aka Future Boss, on your side?

Seriously, I think that's not what I should be considering. This is a job, my aim is to be promoted to executive level within a year. I mean, 4 years experience and I'm a COORDINATOR? You've got to be kidding!

2007-08-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

So over the weekend, I was in KL. Shopping was rather okay, but considering my limited budget and fat body, I didn't have as much fun shopping as I could have. Now I know that my weight is inversely proportioned to the enjoyment of shopping. I so need to lose weight, especially after all the crazy binging in KL.

Basically I had cinnamon rolls, durian, donuts, french toasts (totally wicked, drenched in decadent maple syrup and dripping with peanut butter... yum!), laksa, stingray, oyster omelette... you get the drift.

Anyway, I need to lose weigh and I think that my tattoo is fading cos I didn't read instructions and took off the bandage to bathe before my 24 hours was up. I stained my PJs in the process and alerted my mom to the fact that I did another tattoo. Yeah, I admit that I'm pretty smart like that.

Anyway, today was my first day at work and I told myself not to be intimidated. I think I would feel more queasy if I were more awake. I kept dozing off! And to think that I slept at midnight last night to wake up at 6am this morning. The company has this punch card system, which totally made me feel transported back to my fragrance promoter days.

But other than that, my boss treated me and the rest of the department to lunch at Waraku (I had Shoyu Ramen) and I was in orientation the whole day. The product training made me nod off and I think the trainer caught me cos he said that he knew the training is dry and is irrelevant to what I'm doing, so it is okay for me to doze. I felt bad, but I really couldn't help it!

Then the current lady who was doing marketing was nice enough to walk me through my jobscope for like 3 hrs. She basically talked non-stop for 3 hrs, I am totally amazed by how she could do that. I probably would have run out of things to say in 1 hr max. But that would be why she earns enough to own a MX5 and I don't. But I think there's something to be said for being the boss's daughter though I honestly think she totally has no airs and is a real nice lady.

Other than that, I'm rather pleased that I can use MSN in the office. I didn't have time to cos I was busy dozing off while people explain important stuff to me. So this strengthened my resolve to sleep early tonight so I won't face the same problem again. I still have school tomorrow so I really can't afford to feel sleepy.

And that is why my encounter in KL will have to wait another day. Adios!

It's photos time!

2007-08-02T04:13:00.000+08:00

2007-07-31T15:08:00.000+08:00

It sickens me to read news reports about the situation in the middle east.

The most recent one would be about the kidnapping of the Korean missionary group in Afghanistan. Already a second body has been found. It is beyond me to imagine the terror the hostages must be going through. They don't know when they would breathe their last or if they would ever see their families again. I don't know what that feels like and I pray I never have to know.

If I can make a decision on whether to accede to the Taliban's demands to trade the hostages for prisoners, I would be at a loss. How do you decide? Do I sacrifice the lives of these Koreans for the greater good? Or do I acquiesce and risk having an upsurge of copycat behaviour in other extremists groups?

Really, how can one decide who should live and who should die? God bless seems inappropriate to end this post, seeing as how they ended up in this situation doing God's work. No, don't get me wrong, I am not blaming God in any way, for I am mere mortal and could never presume to understand what He has in mind for us.

What I can do is to add my voice to the chorus of prayers said in the name of the Koreans.

May your strength, will and faith never falter.

And may love carry you through.

I pray for you, brothers and sisters of my soul, amen.

2007-07-24T15:28:00.000+08:00

Okay, this is way overdue!

Let it be known that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ROCKS! I love, Love, LOVE the book and J.K. Rowling can do no wrong. That said, can we have more Potter books please? I grew up with the boy and he saw me through the awkward transition from adolescence to adulthood.

Though I think I cried harder when Albus Dumbledore died in the 6th book.

I'm not listing any spoiler in this blog so venture forth with no fear! Just one special aside to Ms Eng aka Mrs Looi:

There are no scenes detailing Harry loss of his virginity!
Come on people, this is a children's storybook, not a sex-ed textbook! See, even the violent scenes are kept to a minimum and there are rarely any blood or gore when people get injured or die. This is healthy stuff, preaching about love and sacrifice, so why would anyone think this satanic is beyond me. Shouldn't we be opposing those violent videogames targetted at impressionable teens instead?

Before this turns into a dissertation about the effects of media on society, I shall stop that line of argument and just urge everyone of you yet to pick up a Potter book to please do so. You do not want to miss out on the Story of the Century. Please read and then join your voice with those who are asking for more Potter stories.

I'm sure there can be more. Bring back our beloved hero! I'll love a prequel on Sirius, Lupin, Peter, James, Lily and Snape.

I'll love a biography of Lord Voldy and his rise to power. I'll love anything from the Potter universe. I need another dose of Potter!

2007-07-21T01:43:00.000+08:00

Okay, I went for the interview with the travel portal and a little bird told me that I pretty much passed it. The higher-ups were happy with what they saw in me and I supposed I'm feeling rather pleased with myself, seeing as how I tried my darnest to sabotage the setup.

Of course, I wore a top that emphasized on my assets (read: boobs) and seeing as how 2 of my interviewers were male, that helped loads. The other interviewer was on my side since she is Annie's sister and is open to bribes (read: lots of alcohol).

Anyway, when I left I thought I didn't do well for various reasons. Until the little bird enlightened me and advised me to drag signing the appointment letter for as long as possible because there is a high chance I might get offered the position. And because there were two persons who felt strongly that I should accept this position instead of the one with Mazda's, my will is shaken.

Oh fine, so it wasn't that strong to begin with, but Mazda is a strong brand and I need a nice MNC in my resume. Okay, maybe not need. But I want.

I know this sounds ironic coming from a girl who chose RBE over Keppel (the bonus!) and rejected Mediacorp. But Mazda... it is quite a big deal. It's not a LOCAL company, it's a WORLDWIDE recognised brand! According to Elsie, with Mazda under my belt, I can pretty much apply anywhere else (okay, maybe there are a few exceptions, but it covers most geographical areas).

That rings true. Especially when it comes out that I produce most of the collaterals and liaised with the agencies and planned all the stuff. All right, I think I've pretty much convinced myself. Look big picture, girl!

Who cares if you have to wake at 5.30am and travel 1.5hrs to reach your workplace on-time? Loads of people do this! What does it matter if you have to take a 300 bucks pay-cut? This is a dream come true and you can claim marketing experience. And I believe the retail/consumer companies will be more keen on me when I emerge after 2-3 years later, armed with a degree.

The travel and everything else can come later. Thou shalt have to suffer first and enjoy later.

Think no further, Mazda is where you are headed!

1.57am: I think I neglected to mention that I've gained a freaking 4.6kg since... I don't know. I'm so close to the big 5-0 that I freaked out last night after stepping on the weighing scale for the first time in months. So I did the smart thing (no, not throw out the weighing scale) and went jogging for 25 minutes.

But my stamina's gone. I thought I would become roadkill! I so need to re-built my stamina.

Sharon commented that it's strange how when I lost so much weight, Mel gained instead. Now's vice versa. I've got a theory how the weight has to go somewhere. Since Mel's gone, I have to gain to balance up the scale. It's the same for pimples.

There needs to be a certain number of zits in existence and there needs to be a certain magical number for the weight of the total population. I mean, ying and yang proves that there needs to be a balance and life and death is pretty much a means to ensure over/under population. So it is hard to believe that when it comes to pimples and weight, there is a method of control as well?

It's worth sleeping on.I HAVE A DATE WITH HARRY IN 5 MORE HOURS! LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I WOULD NOT HESITANT TO SET MY DOGS ON ANYONE WHO TRIES TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS IN THE BOOK BEFORE I READ IT MYSELF! I MEAN THAT. REALLY. I DO.

2007-07-19T01:13:00.000+08:00

The entire world knows I've been job searching since like forever. I think I've been rather lucky this time around since I've been getting interviews at some companies I can only dream about previously, like Luxasia, Mediacorp, Philips Electronics, even Singtel gave me a shot.

I'm rather glad to be granted an interview with them.

Of course I have some regrets, like not doing better at some interviews (Luxasia) and rejecting some offers (Mediacorp). But all that is waters under the bridge and we should always look to the future right?

Right now, the future looks like it holds real potential. For once (or twice) in my career life, I finally feel as if I've really found something. The only catch now is this: I need a little pay adjustment.

Okay, the tale goes something like this:

I was offered a regional marketing position with an electronics distribution company that I did not really want and just as I was considering it, a car company called and asked me down for an interview. I went, not really expecting anything from them.

To my immense surprise, the interview went really well and somehow, I plucked up the courage to tell my interviewer that I am considering another position. Then, before I knew what happened, he was assuring me that I was their prime candidate and they would make the decision before the day was out.

I left, basically a happy camper and they did indeed offer me the position. I was so over the moon that I accepted their offer without too much considerations.

Now, I'm on the verge of signing the appointment letter and doubts have set in. Is this a good offer and can I survive on the offered pay? The answer is I probably can't since I need to support myself, pay school fees, repay my debts and still have enough left over to save (I so need a car and regular holidays!).

That said, I really need to re-negotiate my pay.

Then, there's the fact that I'm going for another interview tomorrow. It's a travel company and an account servicing position. I should be able to command a higher pay since I do have experience, but I much prefer a marketing job. Well, we'll see!

2007-07-18T01:36:00.001+08:00

My sister's new objection of desire is a hedgehog.

No, not this hedgehog:

But this hedgehog:

Cute ain't it? Looks like its saying 'hi' to you! See its left paw lifted in a half-wave? Altogether now: awwww...

Yeah, this is what my sister wants as a pet. I always thought she has crazy ideas. I still remember how she talked me into adopting a black kitten with her. She surfed all the pet forums online and found this family who put up an adoption notice for a black kitten they found in a drain near their house.

I don't know how my sis did it, but she managed to talk me into talk a super long MRT ride down to Eunos and walking like 20 minutes in the sweltering hot sun looking for the house where the dear kitten was house.

Needless to say, one look at the poor dear and I was infatuated. In fact, I was so infatuated that I carried it and took the bus home. It slept through the bus ride while I fretted that it would die of suffocation. In case you're wondering, no it didn't.

So, this marks the second time my sister is appealing to me on her madcap scheme to get our hands on a hedgehog.

In case you are unaware, rearing hedgehogs in Singapore is ILLEGAL.

But that's not detering my sister. I must stress that she's totally crazy. We once had:

4 hamsters (winter greys)
3 rabbits (2 dwarf rabbit & 1 holland lop)
2 guinea pigs
1 cat
1 dog
1 pondful of koi

All thanks to her obsession.

But since then, the numbers have dwindled. Trust me, it's a good thing. Two dogs are enough to keep us on our toes. But now her obsession with her hedgehogs have rubbed off on me.

Don't believe me? Just look at these!

Looks like a tiny pincushion!

'Rub my tummy!'

Rambutans? No! They're baby hedgies!

How can you not love them? Sigh...

2007-07-16T01:45:00.000+08:00

Being chased by lizards is definitely not my idea of fun. Luckily, it's not an everyday event and not that lizards make it a point to chase me. I just had the weirdest dream whereby I was trapped in the same house with 3 humongous lizards and the dream totally freaked me out.

And according to www.dreammoods.com, dreaming about lizards mean:

"To see a lizard in your dream, signifies your primal instincts and reactions
toward sex, food, etc. and your anxieties toward these feelings. The lizard can
also be representative of a person who you view as cold-blooded, fearful, or
thick-skinned. On a more positive note, the lizard also symbolizes emerging
creativity, renewal, and revitalization. It may also suggest that you are
well-grounded."

And then being chased means:

"Chase dreams often stem from feelings of anxiety in your walking life. The way
we respond to anxiety and pressure in real life is typically manifested as a chase dream. Running is an instinctive response to physical threats in our environment. Often in these dream scenarios, you are being pursued by some attacker, who wants to hurt or possibly kill you. You are running away, hiding, or trying to outwit your pursuer. Chase dreams may represent your way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, you are running away and avoiding it. Ask yourself who is the one chasing you and you may gain some understanding and insight on the source of your fears and pressure.
The pursuer or attacker who is chasing you in your dream may also represent a part of yourself. Your own feelings of anger, jealousy, fear, and possibly love, can assume the appearance of threatening figure. You may be projecting these feelings onto the unknown chaser. Next time you have a chase dream, turn around and confront your pursuer. Ask them why they are chasing you.
One may be consumed by their own anger, jealousy, love, or self-destructive behavior. For example, you may be drinking too much or exhibiting open hostility toward others around you. You may subconsciously be threatened by these actions which have been jeopardizing your relationships and/or career. Your dreams are a way of calling attention to these self-destructive actions.
A more direct analysis of chase dreams is the fear of being attacked. Such dreams are more common among women than men, who may feel physically vulnerable in the urban environment. These dreams are inspired by fears of violence and sexual assault in which we are so over-exposed from the media. The violence that the media portrays magnifies our fears and how at risk we all are."

2007-07-11T13:52:00.001+08:00

I'm gonna be a fat pig.

I have been eating so much that I disgust myself. I gorge on stingray, lala & gonggong on Sunday. Then black pepper chicken, omelette sandwich and soft-shell crab on Monday. Followed by Piper's Pie chicken and mushroom pie and bbq Korean food on Tuesday.

So today's food hunt started off with Chippy Express & a kiwi bubble tea (vile!). I wonder how much more food I'll consume... I don't want to be fat!

As for the pig part, I slept till 10am today... when I have a 10am interview. Crap!

Of course I had to inform the company I was late right? So I did and I told them 11am. In actual fact, I only reached at 11.30am.

But my interviewer seemed oblivious to the fact that I was running 1.5hrs late cos he offered me the job on the spot!

Gosh... and he is willing to pay me $2600. But the catch is I'm going to slog to death. I have to be prepared to work really hard cos it's a one-man show over there. An office less than 10 pax. The more I list down the pros and cons, the more cons I see.

They're operating a 5.5 day work week - con.
The marketing executive has to handle everything on her own. - con
I have to be answerable for sales performance and will be under tremedous pressure to perform. - con
It's an IT company who boring products. - con
They are the distributor, not brand owner. - con
It's an SSSME. -con
They are willing to match my pay. - pro
It is located in the heart of Orchard. - pro
I get to travel to Malaysia and Thailand for business, which means regional exposure. -pro
I really get to be wholly responsible for my brands and products and can really know how capable I am. - pro
It's a hard to come by challenge. - pro

Now, the question is "Can I handle the pressure?" When it comes to crunch time, can I work on my school projects and still handle the avalanche of projects I need to undertake? I seriously have no idea.

How am I suppose to give them an answer tomorrow? Oh my lord... help me please!

2007-07-06T03:28:00.000+08:00

Internet is really slow tonight, blogger took a long time to load.

I have an exam tomorrow, so I really don't know what I'm doing awake at this hour. Actually, I just finished studying. I think I studied all of 1 hr. Amazing eh? Considering how much I enjoyed IMC (that's Intergrated Marketing Comms for the uninitiated), I really don't feel very motivated to study. No big surprise because I think after completing two projects for this module, I know the ins and outs of it. At least enough to scrape a pass.

Why do unmotivated? Because after all the studying for Consumer Behaviour, I got only a Credit for it. Very disappointing. And since scoring that Distinction is now just a dream, I've decided to take it easy.

Sigh...

I'm still feeling distressed over my postponed Taipei trip, but I just had an idea. Since Taipei is too expensive, why don't I go somewhere affordable? Like Bangkok? I'm still thinking about it, but Thailand is after all, not Taipei.

Sob, give me my Taipei...

15 more days till I lay my grubby hands on J.K. Rowling's final HP book. I think I'm dealing with the anticipation in a rather admirable fashion. I hope the cold turkey doesn't start after I finish the book. And please! Don't let Harry die! I would be so disillusioned!

I wonder how the people who had already read the book (i.e. editors, artist who drew the cover, other lucky bastards & bitches) can keep everything so hush-hush. Nothing has leaked out so far, not even a whisper (at least as far as I know) of what is to come. If I were one of them, I would absolutely die. How can I bear not go around bragging that I know what happens to the most famous fictionious boy and giving people hints of what will happen?

Which is why I'm not in the know.

And Farand told me a few weeks back that Longman is apparently somehow related to the HP books and he gets a mind-blowing 40% off the retail price of the book! 40%!!! Do you have any inkling how much that is? I was so agitated that I almost expired right there in the car. But I'd already re-ordered the book, so it really doesn't make sense for me to cancel and buy from him. To think he was all calm about being able to purchase the books at 40% discount. He is completely oblivion to his good luck because he doesn't like the series.

Totally insane, him.

Another sad thing to blog about: I didn't get the Luxasia job. Yes, I do feel bitter about it since I lost out because they thought I have a problem with working long hours. Come on! How many overnighters did I pull with Red Box? I have a problem? They're the ones with the problem! I'm so angry I can bite someone!

2007-07-04T14:03:00.000+08:00

I had the weirdest dream last night. I can't remember the details, but I remembered that something happened to make me really sad and I started weeping. I was crying so hard that I woke myself up with it to find me crying in real life.

That wasn't the first time it happened - not that it happened that frequently. But it was the first time it happened when I was feeling truly upset about something and I refused to let myself cry in real life. I guess the repression was what lead to the eruption.

And the million-dollar question is, what was I upset about?

The soul-searching trip to Taiwan has been postponed indefinitely.

Yep, you heard me right. Postponed.

After all the research and planning and looking forward, I still am unable to realize my one wish this year. Am I pissed off? Of course I'm pissed!

The fact is: if I go Taiwan as planned, I won't have money for school fees.

So between school fees and Taiwan, practicality ruled.

I hate being practical. I hate reality. It sucks. 2007 thus far sucks. I'm penniless, jobless and in debt. Oh, of course, I still haven't met the love of my life yet.

Yes, 2007 definitely sucks.

2007-07-03T17:59:00.000+08:00

As I blog this, please note that I'm experiencing a severely creepy case of deja vu.

2 years after I left Red Box Events, here I am, at my old seat, blogging about my re-entry into my first company. This is seriously weird considering the circumstances in which I had left.

Anyway, I am working here for 1 month (20 days, 18 more to go) so I can finance my trip to Taipei. Yes, I am going to Taipei. Alone, mind you.

I'll just finalise the details before blogging more...

2007-06-10T03:52:00.000+08:00

Oh my freaking Lord!

I know I'm a little out-dated, but I just found out that Universal's building a Harry Potter theme park! I'm so excited!

Imagine being able to enter a magical realm that has obsessed billions of people around the world. We can walk into Hogwarts! Stroll along the cobbled streets of Hogsmead! Ride the Hogwarts Express!

Oh my Lord!

I know I'm totally over-using the exclaimation marks, but I can't help it. I am that excited.

For more information about this amazing theme park (thank you, Universal!), please visit: http://www.universalorlando.com/harrypotter/

So as long as we're on the topic of HP, I got to announce that I'm pre-ordering the book from Popular tomorrow. It's only slightly more than a month till I lay my hands on that book, I believe that my neck's so long that I am frequently mistaken for a giraffe these days!

No matter, it's coming soon

On the job front, I received payment in full from my previous employer, so that's fine.

And Philips decided not to give me the job after the second interview. Bummers. But LCD monitors, maybe that's not too exciting. So no biggie. Sounds tough, don't I? Well, I did manage to score an interview with a cosmetics company, but... I think I didn't impress my interviewee too much.

For some reason, I couldn't concentrate well at all. And afterwards, I wrote the HR a 'thank-you' email, which got sent to the higher management... well, let's just say that someone believes that I've plagarized from the insult. I'm in two minds about it.

On one hand, it says something about my writing. On the other, what does he think about my integrity?

I guess I'll just have to take it with a pinch of salt.

The other thing to update is Elsie's wedding. It was fun; I've got loads of pictures to show and Elsie and Alvin make a great couple - if they only stop arguing long enough. I got her a nurse outfit to wear in the bedroom. Should be interesting - for Alvin.

And the last thing is: I'm going to Bintan!

Finally! The sun, sand and surf... and of course, food!

2007-05-25T02:24:00.001+08:00

I'm simply posting this cos Jen says I look pretty here. And demure.

Which of cos is completely misleading...

And that's the point isn't it?

###

2007-05-25T02:02:00.000+08:00

Everyday I wake up to more surprises.

Sometimes, I wonder if the past 6 months have been a dream. Someone I thought I knew turned out to be someone I didn't know at all. It really throws me to be so wrong about someone.

I never wanted to feel so bitter about leaving a company. And I always thought that I can maintain good relations with past employers since all my ex-employers thus far having only good things to say about me.

So, this current situation really comes as a huge surprise.

First was the termination.

Seriously. How can you terminate someone who is already serving her notice period?

Secondly, how can you demand the same person, whom you have so callously terminated, to be on call 24/7 to settle some clients?

Thirdly, is it remotely sensible to demand accountability from someone who is no longer part of your company?

Fourth, is it right for you to keep threatening the same said person not to pay her so that she has no choice but to do what you instruct?

I am very hurt by the turn of events.

I have stressed repeatedly that I did not want things to turn ugly, yet this is precisely what happened. Amidst finger-pointing, accusations and threats, I finally realised how horrible it feels to be betrayed by someone you respected and believed in.

I used to admire his creativity and how much time and effort he put into his work. Now, I just want everything to come to a screeching halt.

I have tried my best to co-ordinate between the client and a very busy colleague. I have had enough of answering accusing emails questioning my integrity and work ethics. My conscience is clear. In the length of my employment, I did what I was supposed to, when I was supposed to. I may not be the best employee, but I gave my best in all I did.

I took my responsibilities seriously and I resent anyone who doubt that. Until that last day, I maintained my professionlism and never once let it slipped to the clients that I was leaving the company. I pride myself on my professionalism and he has absolutely no grounds to doubt me. None whatsoever!

He has given me the cold shoulder for the entire month. He spoke to me only when necessary. And when he talked to me, he refused to look at me. He did not reply my emails. Not unless he had specific instructions to give. Not a word of thanks when I did what he asked asap. He only has impatience for me.

I suffered everything without complaint.

But why should I take this attitude from him? Because he is paying my salary? Seriously, will he pay my salary this month?

I really have my doubts. With his track record (he dragged an ex-colleague's salary and owed another ex-colleague his CPF contribution), he is fully capable of refusing to pay or delay paying me for an extended period of time without reason.

I wouldn't be surprised. I have ceased to be.

2007-05-22T14:48:00.000+08:00

This week started on a very bad note.

It makes me scared to think what the rest of the week has in stored for me...

The latest bad news in the slew on bad news that awaited me (failing my basic theory exam, facing screwed-up people, falling ill, etc) is STB's rejection of my event application.

How can they decline my application for being TOO COMMERCIALISED?! That's the dumbest thing I've heard.

Come on people, Orchard Road is the Mecca of Commercial-ism (if there's actually such a word).

Open your eyes! You think the IR is for fun, peace and laughter? How can they have such... ridiculous double standards?!

Oh, I'm simply so mad!

2007-05-16T11:00:00.000+08:00

Apparently, marketers and publicists are fond of pulling the Midnight Launch stunt for publicity.

Yes, I've been attending class (IMC) and hey! I was actually listening in class! The lecturer just mentioned Microsoft having a midnight launch for one of their product launches and here I read that Harry Potter will be holding one in New York too.

Alright, I know this obsession with HP 7 is unhealthy, but I can't help it okay? I can't wait for all 784 pages of gripping storytelling.

To stay off the topic of HP, allow me grip about how I detest people over-using the phrases, 'You agree or not?' and 'It's a chicken and egg thing.'. Notice I said over-using as opposed to saying it once or twice.

I hear 'You agree or not?' about 2,000 times in lecture, so much as that I want to scream. His 2nd favorite phrase is, you've guessed it, 'It's a chicken and egg thing.'. I so want to tell him that the chicken and egg thing is passe.

Many afternoons ago, I was bored and was surfing Yahoo! aimlessly when I stumbled across the answer to the chicken and egg question.

The answer is: egg came first. The chicken is probably a product of evolution.

So Mr Chua, there you have it.

The egg came first.

Can we stop with the annoying phrase already?

Please?

2007-05-15T14:11:00.000+08:00

I was just searching for a picture of BreadTalk's famous Pork Floss Bun to put in my powerpoint (don't ask) and Google just spewed a whole slew of food review blogs at me. Isn't it amazing how obsessed Singaporeans are with food?

4 out of 5 blogs are about food. Even yours truly is guilty of trying her hand at food reviewing once or twice. No doubt my recent weight gain has got something to do with binging, but the most amazing thing is that I haven't been eating gourmet food. Nope, I'm just obsessed with Omelette sandwich from Highlander Coffee, this quaint little cafe at Kampong Bahru. I've consumed probably 10 sandwiches last and this month and I'm not sick of it yet!

I have got to lost weight man... Elsie and Alvin's ROM is less than a month away. I'm gaining weight, got not new dress and no gift ideas at all. I hope this month will zip by so I can enjoy my break. I'm not looking forward to having no income though. That will really put a damper on things.

But what I'm really looking forward to, and see if you can't guess:

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS!!!

I've got to pre-order the book, only I can't decide where? Singpost? Popular? I'm inclined towards Popular since I've ALWAYS bought my Potter from them. Besides, its convenient. Oh my Lord, slightly more than 3 months to the end of things. Of course, the hot debate is whether Harry will die at the end of book 7. I'm hoping not, but you've got to brace yourself for crappy endings cos if I'm the author, I'll definitely want to torture my readers like that.

Yes yes, I know I'm a sadist, so what's new?

Well, for the sake of argument, if he dies, I hope it's very very justified and not just to end things. That would be a really bad way to end a legendary series. Nothing I've read compares to the Potter series. The imagination, the creativity, the research, it all boggles the mind. Do I sound like a rabid fangirl? I hope not cos I can't claim that Rowling is my favourite author or that Harry is my favorite fictional character.

My favorite author would always be L.J. Smith. And my favorite ficitional character: Julian of The Forbidden Game Trilogy. The tale was (me and a million other fans suspect) inspired by the Greek tale of how Hades, the God of the Underworld kidnapped Persephone, daughter of Demeter and Goddess of Spring, when he gazed upon her brilliant beauty and fell desperately in love with her. Julian embodied Hades of course, just a gorgeous, moody, temperamental and oh-so-sexy version of the dour Greek God.

There is something very romantic about why Hades is so attracted to Persephone. She is everything that he craves, the light to his darkness, and he probably believes that she can save him from himself. Of course, in reality, no one should be responsible for saving anyone, but in fictional/mythical tales, I find the idea wildly romantic.

Which is why I fell in love with The High Lord series by Trudi Caravan and with Twilight series by Stephenie Meyers. But let it be known that I'm very, extremely disgrulted with THL's ending. It was crappy to the max. Why did it have to end like that?!

But the most pressing issue is this: I have no more books to read!

2007-05-04T16:57:00.000+08:00

My friend says that I should get another tattoo to change my 'branding'.

That came from nowhere, but not really since I 'asked for it'. Aaron and I were just mindlessly chatting (and sharing gossips - mainly me supply him with gossips since he was in the backwaters of the America continent) when it suddenly popped into my mind what I have been considering these past few days.

Getting a new tattoo on my ankle, left ankle. Why would I want to put myself through the pain again? Maybe cos people can't see the pain I went through for my first tattoo? Actually, it doesn't matter much cos the reason I got the last tattoo wasn't for cosmetic purposes. But now, if I do get a new one, it will be somewhere that people can actually see.

And ankle... well, it does sound a bit contrived, but it's better than putting it on my lower back. There is the over-crowing issue and also the pain factor to consider, not the ideal spot. Arm... nah, not ever! The back of my nape, I'll like to keep that place unmarked, thank you very much. So that doesn't leave me with many choices. The left ankle it is then!

But even before we go there, I have this branding issue to think about.

In my last class on branding, our lecturer, the sassy Ms Gen Woo, told us to think of ourselves as products. So that got me thinking. If I'm a product, what kind of positioning would I have, who are my target audience and what do I want to say to them.

As a product, getting a tattoo is akin to improving your product packaging. And if you'll only do that to reinforce your branding message or if there is any real improvement on the product itself. (Ha! I've been reading up on branding books, does it show?)

Let me see, what is my position? If I'm a type of pastry, I want to be tiramisu. Sweet, with a bitter aftertaste and the best part, it gets you high. I want to be the type of person whom you would never quite know what to expect. Unpredictable.

Sociable one moment and loner the next. Wild as a tempest in a teacup.

Now, my question is this: will my target audience buy my positioning? Do I have to offer promotion or incentive? I hope not! I'm a luxury goods okay? It's the intangible benefits that's pricey and that sets me apart and above from the commodities.

See, my $3.3k per semester school fees is paying off. I'm spouting branding/marketing theories like the best of them. My lecturers would be so proud.

Hence, in conclusion, I want that tattoo and I can have it cos it enhances my branding.

An event would be held (this is marketing comms) for when I get it, but before that, intensive marketing research would have to be carried out. Will keep you updated with my research report.

Meanwhile, adios!

2007-03-27T21:25:00.000+08:00

I had the busiest 2 weeks what with school and work.

Lately, I've found myself repeating this refrain once too often. I'm afraid I'm beginning to bore even myself. School provided immense satisfaction because I like the current subject I'm taking: Consumer Bbehaviour. Its interesting and I understand what the lecturer is saying.

Best of all, I think I aced the group presentation. She loved our work and made all the time we committed to the project, all the heartache and blood worth it. This project underwent a re-write, but it was worth it. My current ambition is to become a branding/marketing/marcom executive at some FMCG company.

I would like to work for some chocolate or ice-cream company so I can enjoy all the ice-cream and chocs I want. LOL

Seriously, work is... sigh... can I just leave it at that?

I haven't watched a movie in the longest time. The last was Ghost Rider. Before Feb. Sh-yt.

I want to relax, but I can't. I want to take a trip for some 'me' time. but I can't. I want to sleep in. I want to... sh-yt, I don't know what I want anymore. Sh-yt.

That's why I say: I'm depressed!

Elsie and Alvin is getting married in June. Congrats!

And Mr Foo is marrying his girl in May. Congrats!

Geez, what is it with 2007, why is everyone getting married??? Or is it just the age bracket I'm in???

If a picture tells 1,000 words...

2007-03-11T04:16:00.000+08:00

Photo taken from Samsung D900's 3 Megapixels Camera:

Darn clear isn't it? (that was taken last year when I just permed my hair)

Now take a look at my new SE Z610i's 2 Megapixels Camera:

Okay, so this last photo has nothing to do with the cakes. I just thought Museli looked cute here (so do I! ^^).

Anyway, please try the cakes at Rive. They're divine! We had a birthday cake for Sharon last year and they're so good that I went back and bought these 4 babies. Trust me, they might not look impressive, but they're to die for.

You can find them at Takashimiya B2, beside Beard Papa or Papa Beard - whatever! They cost me SGD$14, but they're worth every cent!

I actually bought them on Thursday and that was the same day I realized how appalling our service standard is. No wonder we need to come up with the GEMS programme.

I swung by the Donut House (at Taka too) because I've been having a craving for donuts since seeing the queue at Raffles City Shopping Centre. There was no queue, just a lone salesgirl. Just imagine how excited I felt at not having to join a mile-long queue.

However, I was holding on to a 3.1kg laptop (a PINK one, might I add) and 4 slices of the most heavenly cake. So I asked the sales girl if I could put my stuff at the counter while I pick my donuts.

She stared at me blankly for a long while after I posed her that question. I thought that I'd asked her some difficult mathematical problem, which would explain the baffled look on the face. But being the nice, patient person I was, I asked her again.

Me: Can I leave my stuff with you while I put out the donuts?
Salesgirl: ... but if lost I am not responsible har.
Me: It's right in front of you. If I don't leave it with you, how am going to pick the donuts with my hands full?
Salesgirl: Oh! You want to buy donuts ah?

I admit that exasperation was finding its way into my voice then. Luckily, the woman finally understood. So, I (not-so)happily picked out my donuts. I discovered that they don't have as many variety as before and they have significantly decreased the amount they put out. Maybe they haven't been selling well since Donut Factory came along and snatched their market share.

Anyway, I asked if they had more of the cute little donuts that I love, the answer was a curt: Everything is out there already lor.

Fine! They're SGD$0.60 per tiny piece! Not exactly cheap okay!

Anyway, I bought 4 small ones and 2 big donuts and requested for a box. I was actually testing to see if she would give it to me, if she does, at least there was a fighting chance for Donut House.

She did not.

Salesgirl: You have to buy 5 big ones to get the box.
Me: But it's not stated anywhere on your store that there's such a rule.
Salesgirl: Ya, need to buy 5 big ones, otherwise no box.
Me: I bought 10 normal-sized donuts the last time I was here and you didn't offer me the box.
Salesgirl: You need to ask for the box what. Otherwise we don't give.
Me: That's very inconsistent of you isn't it?
Sale: You need to ask what, otherwise how we know you want?

By then I was fuming mad. There were other patrons when we had this exchange. I don't care if I came across as a shrewd. The point of this is that when I pay $0.60 for a bite-sized donut, I expect permium service. Not a part-timer student-staff telling me that it is my fault that I didn't ask for a box, next time, please be smarter and ask!

What happened to politeness? What happened to common courtesy? As far as I can see, the staff had zero training. When you put her on the floor and she treats your customer like dirt, you're pretty much going to lose all your business.

Donut House, beware. You already have a die-hard non-fan in me. No matter how chewy your bite-sized donut is, I am not going to buy from you!

2007-03-08T01:45:00.000+08:00

If I worked 10 hours today I think I spent more than 60% of the time in meetings. Since when did my life become so meeting-driven? I have no idea and the worst thing is I don't think the situation will improve anytime soon.

I just wonder what will happen with my hectic work schedule when my intensive 2-week study starts. Work will definitely have to be on the back burner. I wonder if I can even take 2 weeks off!

Anyway I've been very brand conscious ever since I started this consumer behaviour module. No, I did not buy into the whole LV, Prada thing (although I'll love a Kata Spade, but that's coz I think they have real lovely, quirky designs!). Instead I am thinking about how brands work and how on earth Donut Factory generated the publicity. The queue for donuts is just ridiculous. I'm not queuing.

But eventually, I'll want to try and see what the hoo-ha is all about. Successful awareness campaign indeed. They've managed to incite curiosity, which leads to trial. Whether the consumers will adopt it into their lifestyle is another thing entirely. The real challenge would be after these 2 months, after the publicity dies down, can the dount craze still sustain itself? We'll see.

I only know that I'm craving for a nice, chewy, sinful Krispy Kreme...

2007-03-06T02:16:00.000+08:00

Behold my new mobile everyone!

Yes, I got yet another pink item. After my pink laptop, my pink compact, pink iPod, here is the pink mobile to go with everything else I own. All I need now is pink hair.

Not!

I'm still hung up about losing my mobile. I still can't quite believe that it's gone forever and ever. My sister cursed the person who stole my mobile: may you fall into a drain and break a leg. Her pure evilness proves our kinship.

Anyway, SE Z610i works rather well for me. Although I was grumpy about losing my spanking new (and cool) Samsung, the pinkness of Z610i made me feel a little happier. I'll kill anyone who dares suggest that it looks like a toy.

It is NOT a toy.

I've always adored SE because there are so many themes I can download and customised. The camera doesn't seem too bad - except that I can't zoom if I wanna take photos, I have no idea why that is so.

Damn, I am boring myself with entries like these! Where's the excitement in my life?

2007-03-04T01:38:00.000+08:00

I got the replacement SIM card today from Singtel so I'm once again connected to the world. Still missing everyone's contact no though. I think it's impossible to get all the contact details back.

I bought a new handset today. The SE Z610i. In pink.

But I miss my D900. Really I do. I missed its sleek form and beautiful contours. I missed how light it feels in my hand and its familiarity. Admittedly, it wasn't love at first sight for us. But, its functionality suited me.

True, I've complained about how difficult it is to type a message, but I didn't really dislike it.

Truth is, I've fallen under its spell some time back. A day with it makes me feel... lonely.

I want my D900 back.

Life is meaningless without it.

How sad that I've grown attached to a gadget, but I have...

2007-03-03T02:27:00.000+08:00

I am upset. Very, very upset.

There is this empty space in my chest and this yearning in my soul.

Nothing can fill this void.

What happened? What happened!

I f*cking lost my mobile phone, that's what happened. Less than 4 hours ago, I was the proud owner of a Samsung D900. I never thought to part with it so soon. Yet fate beg to differ...

How I lost it is too long a story to repeat and I am in no mood to do so. Suffice to say, I am pissed with myself for losing a fantastic phone AND the darn mini SD card. I'm super unlucky. I'm cursed.

I just need my lovely D900 back. Someone give it back, please!

2007-02-06T01:40:00.000+08:00

Just showered.

I cleared the pig sty that was my room yesterday and I thought that, with a spanking clean room, my luck would improve. Boy was I wrong.

The Client was still displeased with the proposal we sent over and I got the cold treatment from Boss. It was distinctly unpleasant. And I think this won't be the last time I'll get this from him since I believe that I'm no saint and would make another mistake soon, no matter how hard I try not to.

Oh well, at least I didn't have to stay back at the office alone till past midnight. Not only did I stay past midnight in the office, I had to skip the first day of lessons too. Darn it!

Anyway, last weekend started real crappy. I fell sick on Friday. Had indigestion I think. But why would indigestion bring on fever, I'll never know. I only know that out there, a particular cabbie hates me to the core cos I puked all over his cab.

To the kind cab uncle who didn't scold me or make me pay for the cleaning bill: thank you for your help and I'm so sorry I couldn't tip you more. If I had more money I would give it to you!

But 1 good thing came out of all the disastrous ones: my photo and appointment article came out in AdAsia! But I look like a drug addict in it...