Monday, October 29, 2007 . 4:30 PM

Okay now, I'm a bit obsessed over this 'handsome husband' thing. I have got to get it out of my mind!

But then again, I have also been watching K-dramas on SCV and been rooting for average-downright un-cute male leads. My mom thinks I've gone down the deep end, but what can I do when the cooler/smarter one is, ahem, not so cute?

Putting that aside, I'm counting down to the big day. I have absolutely no idea what to do yet, but I'll figure something out. There is seriously limited things one can do and if I don't want run of the mill stuff, I have got to plan it myself. Counting on friends... they're simply too lazy!

[cue killer glares at Mel, Aaron & Sharon]

I've been thinking of doing a photoshoot next month, or the month after. Can't rush this, I do need to lose some weight, polish up the skin, treatment on hair, etc... sounds like I'm planning a bridal shoot huh? But I'm not. I just want to get a nice studio photoshoot done when I'm *still* young. Before my mid-20s, so to say.

Cos you know, they say it will all slide from here-on.

[gulp]

First I stop popping as many pimples (don't know to laugh or cry over that), then the fine lines appear, the breasts droop... arghhhhhh... I'm gonna be OLD!!! Before I know it, I'm gonna be menopausing!

CRAP!!!

Friday, October 26, 2007 . 2:07 AM

Saw the palmist and it was interesting. She could tell I don't have a high self-esteem and I tend to obsess. So much so that I may push myself into depression. Huh. Yeah, dark thoughts do hover sometimes.

And I'll apparently have 3 children, 1 girl, 2 boys. Might miscarry the girl, so I'll have to take care... I want the girl! Baby, mummy loves you and will start taking care of herself so you can see the world!

Shit, maternal instincts kicking in already? I'm supposed to be married only in my late-20s to early-30s!

Oh and my husband should be a handsome, successful man who is generous, adores children and of course, me! But huge crisis will strike in my mid-30s, and we'll either work things out and have a smooth marriage till our 40s, or led separate lifes.

If it's the latter, I will apparently not lack for company. And finally, in my 50s, I'll meet the best man who will ever enter my life. He will be the light, joy and laughter of my last years. He'll love me unconditionally, take care of me and devote himself thoroughly. And I would meet him in my 40s, but start a relationship only in my 50s.

I'll lead a long life, we're talking past 60s here, which means I need to invest my CPF and get investment plans! I'll have the chance to travel overseas and live overseas for at least 2 years and the longest period will be up to 7 years, but I'll eventually come back still. What can I say? I love Singapore.

And, I'll be rich and successful in my career! Will be recognised for my work! Twice! I want monetary compensation. Fame's not bad too... and apparently, a star in my palm says that I would acquire some sort of status in my line of work. Huh.

I told Sharon she's looking at a future MP!

The most important part about my recent romance is this: I will be involved with a married/attached man for 2 years in my mid-20s. I have already met him. So guess who popped into my mind for a friendly visit? But now that I know, I will pre-empt it! So perhaps the huge crisis involving my handsome husband can be avoided. A few more years of marital bliss won't hurt. I have to think of my 3 beautiful kids right!

For the sake of my lovely future, I got to ensure that:

1. I don't go crazy
2. I don't jump into dead-end relationship with an unavailable man
3. I am healthy so I don't miscarry or suffer a long, drawn-out illness in my old age

Monday, October 22, 2007 . 11:38 PM

No freaking idea how I did it, but I managed to beat the system and passed my basic theory driving test on my 3rd attempt. Just in time as well since I more or less told myself that I'll not be taking it any time soon if I fail it again. Now I've just got to pass my advance theory and then pass my traffic police test within half a year.

Fat chance.

Anyway I have no means of getting a car so soon. I am in the red. Which is not something I like to think about. I have to repay 3.5k in 6 months, and another 7k in a year. In the midst of it, I have to save up 2k so I can go Japan for a holiday. Yay-ness.

Does that mean I can forget about eating, shopping and basically having a life? I wonder how I ever managed to survive on 1.3k a month. 24 years old and so heavily in debt. Well done, Alexis. Makes you wonder how I'll do in 10 years' time huh.

I'm having a quarter-life crisis even though I'm not quite 25 yet. But hell, I'm smelling the mid-20s and I'm panicking cos... well, we all know why, don't we? Hence, I did the really, really smart thing. Folks as enlightened as me would probably have done what I did: consult a fortune-teller.

Before we write this one off as a charlatan, I think we should give her the benefit of doubt. After all, there are some things that can't be explained by science. And even if she's a complete fraud, it'll be good entertainment. I just hope she doesn't tell me I'll end up in a nursing home or living alone surrounded by cats. If I wanted to hear that, I would just get my sister to tell me that. We'll see, the session is booked for Thursday.

Meanwhile, I have embarked on this grand scheme to lose weight. Today is day one and I jogged 2.4km in 22 mins. Leonard will so laugh at me. The target is 2.4km in 15 minutes. I'm sure I can meet that. Give me 2 weeks. Or 3, to be safe. The target weight is 45kg by Nov 6 and Aaron thinks it's an impossibility. I think so, but nothing is going to stop me from trying.

Current stats: 32-26-35. Arm:10; Thigh: 20.

Let's see how much I can lose in 2 weeks.

Friday, October 19, 2007 . 6:54 PM

I'm blogging from the office because the words are bursting out of me and I have got to get them out.

I don't understand. Seriously, I feel like I'm the guy, trying to understand the quicksilver moods of a girl. He says that he has no respect for girls who throw themselves at him despite knowing that her best friend is interested in him. He says he has no interest in someone who made use of his feelings for her. He says he sees me as his sister and will not violate my trust in him.

The next thing I know he is telling me that he is feeling restless and that he has been flirting with 2 girls for the past hour and... they are warming his bed this weekend.

To say I am shell-shocked is putting it lightly. What exactly transpired between 1pm to 5.30pm to make him change his tune? To the extent of asking me if I'll like to be one of his girls. This is a bright red stop sign shouting at me, if there ever was one. I should stop. Should flung the door in his face. Should do everything in my power to protect myself and stop this downward spiral.

I can do it because I have done it before. But... being the sucker I am, being the stupid, idealistic person that I am, I can't leave him. In my mind, I have already spun all sorts of excuses for him. My heart is aching for him. So how can I turn my back on him?

I dont know what is going on. Absolutely no idea. I can only wait.

After all, what else can I do?

Tuesday, October 09, 2007 . 12:52 AM

Time for yet another analogy.

I used to really, really like the Nissan March. I was so obsessed with it that I tortured myself for many months trying to figure out a way to own it.

A good friend of mine got sick of seeing me beat myself over a car that was more expensive than it was worth and thought to divert my attention with another car. And so I was introduced to a 2nd-hand Toyota Camry. Although it had a few knocks and scratches, but I saw the potential in it. It was well-maintained and with a bit of time in the workshop, it could do wonders...

My attention got successfully diverted. I lovingly cared for it and told the workshop men to take good care of it. I visited it whenever I could to ensure that it had the best care in the world. I thought that it was mine... then one day, the workshop called and told me that the owner of the car took it back. I didn't have rights to it because I had not signed on the dotted line. So I had pretty much fixed it up so its previous owner could reclaim it.

During that period, when I was madly in love with my Camry, Nissan told me that the March was on a special discount and it would have been mine to bring home at a much, much affordable rate. But then, I was convinced that the Camry was more suitable and the March got left behind... although I never stopped being attracted to the March.

And now, with the Camry a thing of the past (I would never, ever want a Camry again) and the Proton Savvy just got the boot, once again, the topic of the March came up.

True to form, its good looks has attracted my eye again. The more I look at it, the more pleasing it looks. 4 years ago, prior to facelift and upgrades, it looks attractive. 4 years on, with a new body and specs, I am still attracted to the essence of it.

But... will it fit my lifestyle? Will it acommodate me or will it cramp my lifestyle? I have no idea and there is certainly no use thinking about it seeing as how I can't afford a car right now. Unless I get lucky and score it in a draw.

Or strike the lottery.

Perhaps.